Monday, January 10, 2022

List: Ten innocent comments that can be really insulting.

 I'm going to start today with a true story.  Brace yourself, it's a brutal one.

On Friday afternoons, a small group of us "work buddies" go out for pizza at our favorite pizzeria.  This one particular afternoon, we took separate cars.  Work buddy #1 and I went together and arrived before everyone else.  As we walk in the host looks at us and says "how many?" to which we respond "4".  That's when the host responded with "are they your children and do you need a highchair?".  Gasp!

 Fine, you assumed we were husband and wife.  No insult there.  But you also assumed that I was 20 years older than I really am and that our kids that do no exist were old enough to make their own way to the pizzeria.  And what about the highchair?  Perhaps he thought I was waiting on my child and grandchild that required a booster seat.  Or, how about the fact that you assumed that I have kids in the first place.  I do.  But, that's not the point.  Do I look like I have kids?  Did that man tell me that I look like a mom?  While that shouldn't be insulting, it is.  Who wants to know that they look like a mom?!

Long story short, that seemingly bizarre yet probably innocent comment ruined my entire afternoon!  It insulted me so much that I decided to make an entire post about it and other "innocent" comments that are actually highly insulting.

how to insult a woman without trying

Ten innocent comments that can be really insulting.

1.  Any type of assumption that someone is a mother.
Reiterating the story above for those that still don't get it, you should NEVER just assume that someone is a mother.  This can be insulting for a bazillion different reasons.  It's not a compliment to insinuate that someone looks like a mother.  It could also be hurtful to those that wish they were a mother but aren't or can't be.

2.  You look great for your age.
Why put a condition on a compliment?  Either someone looks good or they don't.  To say they look great for their age negates the compliment, and to be honest, is quite insulting.  Anyone old enough for "for your age" to be applicable is old enough to be insulted!

3.  Anything that starts with "Not to be insulting, but...".
This one leaves me dumbfounded.  If you have to preface a sentence with a disclaimer, it probably shouldn't be said at all.

4.  That lipstick really brings color to your face!
I'm sorry, was my face colorless to begin with?  I didn't realize.  How about "your face really brings out the color of that lipstick"?  Now that's a REAL compliment that would leave those colorful lips smiling big!

5.  Your Spanish last name is going to get your kids into a great school.
Did you hear my scream through the computer?  If my kids choose to go to college, they will get into a good school because they will work hard.  They'll study to get good grades.  They'll play sports to the best of their ability.  They'll learn an instrument to play music they're passionate about.  They'll volunteer because it feels good.  Then they'll put all of this on their IMPRESSIVE college application and be proud of all their achievements when they get accepted!

6.  Are you losing weight?  I see it in your face.
I've been hiking all over the place and trying to eat healthier.  When I lost 6 pounds, I was ecstatic, until my father said "I see it in your face".  I mean, how big was my head to start with?!

7.  Stop exaggerating.
Well, I'm not exaggerating.  You may be shocked by what I'm telling you which is probably the reason why I felt the need to tell you in the first place, but it's certainly not an exaggeration.  Unless someone is clearly exaggerating like the time I said a bug was the size of my head, try not to assume otherwise.  Comments like this make people self conscious and want to censor themselves during conversation.

8.  Congratulations on your graduation.  I never thought you'd do it!
Granted it took me over a decade to actually graduate college, there was a slight sting every time I had to hear people's shock and exclamations about how they thought I'd just give up.  If they really wanted to express joy, they could have just stopped at "congratulations"!

9.  It must be nice to have time for that.
Why don't you just say "I'm super jelly that I chose to watch TV instead of doing something that makes me happy" instead?

10.  That's great!  You really have the best luck.
Now, this one is super personal for me.  I don't have luck.  I make my own luck.  I worked hard at my job which is how I got promoted quickly.  I made difficult decisions along the way to ensure that I got the perfect position.  I network so that I have friends in the right places.  I make friends easily, but only remain close to people I trust.  I dedicate my life to raising my kids the right way.  I'm loyal to my husband and work hard to ensure that our fire doesn't die.  I love to travel so I book trips and plan them ahead of time to ensure we have a fabulous time.  I carve out time for myself every month to ensure I don't burn out.  I pursue hobbies while including my family to ensure that we make memories and have adventures.  What I don't do is sit around and wait for Mr. Luck to drive by and give me the life that I want.  Don't ever discredit my accomplishments by giving the credit to chance.  Or do, and I'll just feel bad for you that you're waiting for life to happen.

What innocent comments insult you?


  1. Oh, calm yourself down, missy, he probably asks that everyone who enters LOL
    I feel you younger Americans are insulted by anything, like Carrie Bradshaw who overanalyzes everything and finds everything insulting. To be honest, people rarely mean to be mean, you just say first thing that pops out of your mouth. I would personally take most of these things you mentioned above as compliments and would give a French kiss to anyone who says I look young LOL
    The only comments I find offensive are the ones connected with blatant and open racism, chauvinism, homophobia etc. And idiotism, idiots who speak about something or give opinions without having knowledge or following the subject closely (for example socialism equals communism etc).

    1. You sound like my work friends that were with me. To assume I'm a mother is insulting!!!!!!!!!!!! The dad bod may be in, but the mom bod is NOT. LOL

  2. Omg, you were on a roll here! But I DO understand how you felt about the assumption that you had kids with an older man. Know what pisses me off now? People assuming I’m a grandmother! LOL! It went from people being surprised to hear that I was going to have a grandchild in 2017 to people just assuming I have them today. I’m like, did I age horrifically in the last four years or what???

    The luck comments always irritate me. I also find it insulting when people tell me how busy they are. Like no one else has anything to do! I always feel like responding that I have good time management skills! Ha! Another insult is when people comment on how skinny I am and ask if I eat anything. So rude!

    Unlike Dez, I loved this post! Lol! This is the purpose of blogging!

    1. I will always ask people why are they so skinny, it is not being rude it is being worried. When I see someone very skinny I immediately think they are ill, especially as these days every other person has cancer. It is simply being caring. I will also ask why are your eyebrows mismatched LOL because some people really do not notice until somebody else tells them and since I never mean anything evil I feel like I can ask anything. I will even ask are you pregnant or fat, but will add - fat like me, I am six months pregnant. If you do not ask people think you do not care.

    2. Yikes! If you asked someone here if they were pregnant or fat, you’d either get slugged, shot, or canceled! Commenting on someone’s appearance is a huge no-no. We’ve gone so far the other direction that a compliment made by a male to a female could get him fired in the workplace.

    3. I had fun writing this post. It was therapeutic. We all have different things that insult us. I don't consider myself sensitive at all, but when it comes to looks, age, and diminishing accomplishments, that pisses me the F off! When the person who says the "luck" comments to me has an accomplishment, he's praised like a god. When others have accomplishments, he doesn't reciprocate. Instead, he writes it off as luck. GTFO! I don't go home and cry about it, but it really makes me angry.

      Dez!! I'm in SHOCK!! If you asked me if I'm pregnant or just fat, you best have a tissue because I'll probably start crying. Although, please tell me about my eyebrows. No one wants uneven brows. I'm laughing at Bijoux's comment b/c she's right. I'm watching this unfold in my head and every situation ends in a punch or waterworks. How do people normally respond to that?

  3. I do age well, a guy at works calls me Benjamin Button


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