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Wednesday, August 26, 2020

Travel: Everything you need to know about Kalahari Resorts in Pocono Manor, PA.

We recently went on a little road trip to Kalahari Resorts in Pocono Manor, PA.  We've been hearing for years from our friends about how we have to get there because it's so much fun.  Disclosure:  I absolutely hate public pools and completely skeeve any type of shared water experience.  When my husband's 30th birthday came, he chose to go on a family trip over a party.  Without hesitation he said "We're going to Kalahari!".  Probably b/c he knew this was his only chance..  After debating for months, I finally gave in and booked a 3 night stay as a surprise gift to him.  There's no other word to describe it.  He was  e c s t a t i c.  We packed up and off we went to this land of incomparable fun.


a real life testimony of kalahari resorts in pocono manor pa

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Review:  Kalahari Resort in Pocono Manor, PA


When we first pulled into the resort, we were taken aback.  It was absolutely beautiful.  The grounds were impeccable and the giant animal statues were breath taking.  The hallways were lined with 3-d artwork that probably belonged in an art museum.  The floors had gorgeous depictions of animals and the rooms were just as nice.  The lobby was filled with statues, paintings, and displays that were one of a kind and gorgeous.  Long story short, I was really impressed for a solid hour of our little trip.

a honest and detailed review of kalahari resorts in pennsylvania


What is Kalahari Resorts?

Kalahari is a resort with (4) different locations throughout the US.  We stayed in the PA location.  They are a resort with hotel accommodations, multiple eateries onsite, different types of onsite entertainment, an arcade, and their biggest attraction one of the largest indoor water parks in the United States.

How were the accommodations?

The rooms in Kalahari were fairly clean, beautifully decorated, comfortable, and well maintained.  While it wasn't 5-stars, it was certainly above average for mostly family orientated resorts that I have been to.  Despite the word "suite", there was no kitchen or microwave.  The room was only equipped with a fridge.

How was the water park?

Kalahari Resorts in Pocono Manor definitely delivered on being one of the largest indoor water parks in the US.  The park was HUGE.  There were big slides, little slides, medium slides, slides that should be illegal, kiddie pools, two lazy rivers, swim up bars, a wave pool, an outdoor pool, outdoor slides, baby slides, pools with basketball hoops, and a whole crazy, safari themed water jungle gym.  If there was anything positive about the water park, it was definitely the size and quantity of the attractions.

There were also some negatives to the park that I feel I should mention.  It was very unorganized.  It got so crowded that you couldn't breathe or move.  At that point I had to leave for the day.  The park isn't just for guests of the resort.  It's for guests and outside parties as well.  I'm not sure what the capacity is so I won't comment on that, but it was very cramped, uncomfortable, and made me feel unsafe.  Additionally, I'm not sure how well attraction capacity was monitored either.  Something as simple as a lazy river had me worrying for my children's safety.  We were being bumped, charged into, and separated by the huge masses of people allowed in the lazy at once.

Lockers were available to put your belongings, but their system to lock them didn't work.  We tried on two different days with two different payment methods and had zero success.  This meant I let my children run free into this huge crowd of people or I don't sit down and babysit my stuff.  When I asked a worker about it they simply said, "Yeah, sometimes those don't work." and that was that.

They were staffed with lots of lifeguards that did their due diligence of monitoring activities.  My daughter got the whistle blown at her, twice, so I know they were watching.    I also witnessed them reunite at least 4 different lost children with their parents.  Poor parenting or just unable to monitor with the extremely high capacity?  I'm not sure.  The high quantity of lifeguards was definitely a plus.

The last thing I'll comment on is dress code.  I didn't see any enforcement of dress code anywhere.  ...and, trust me when I say they need a dress code policy and to enforce it...

How were the restaurants?

We ate at B-Lux Grille & Bar and Sortino's Italian Kitchen for dinner.  The other night we ate offsite.  B-Lux Grille & Bar had good food and a reasonable price.  I would compare it to an Applebees type atmosphere, menu, and food quality.  Sortino's was much more expensive without the food quality to match the bill.  It was this dining experience that caused us to cancel our reservation to Double Cut and eat offsite.  My husband got lasagna and I got chicken picatta.  We were both unhappy with the taste and almost died when we saw our bill of over $120, especially since we didn't order any alcohol.  Overall, we were dissatisfied with the quality and price of the food choices in Kalahari Resorts.

How was the entertainment?

Since we went while some quarantine orders were still in place, many events were cancelled.  I can't comment on these since we didn't experience them, but others who have, said that they were a blast.  Kalahari Resort did have an arcade onsite which the kids had a ball playing in.  It was on the expensive side, but there were enough options to entertain the kids for several nights.  The arcade also had fun things to do like mini golf, bowling, laser tag, and an escape room.  We did most of these and have zero complaints.  They were priced right and lots of fun!  The only downside is once again capacity.  Even with a pandemic, the place was packed to an uncomfortable level and there was no enforcement of social distancing or mask wearing.
As a NYer, the lack of both had me feeling very uncomfortable and caused us to leave early.

What was your favorite part of the trip?

Other then watching my kids smile for 3 days straight, it was two different things.  The first and foremost that stood out was the beautiful artwork displayed throughout the resort.  I went for a long walk twice just to make sure I saw it all.  The second was the customer service.  Everyone there was friendly, accommodating, and super helpful.

What was your least favorite part of the trip?

I'll skip the part that it's a water park & the random person's hair on me bc that wouldn't be unfair.  My least favorite part was the high capacity, completely ridiculous pricing, and the disorganization.  A family friendly resort should have you feeling safe and comfortable.  I did not feel this way at Kalahari.  There wasn't even a person monitoring entrance on any of the 3 days.  Anyone with bad intent could have walked in.  Simple things like monitoring the park entrance or security in the parking lot would go a long way.

Would you ever go back?

No.  Safety for me is #1 and I felt highly uncomfortable at the Kalahari Resort in Pennsylvania more than once.  Although, they should totally open a museum!  I'd pay an entrance fee to see their displays of art.

Have you ever been to a Kalahari Resorts?


8 comments :

  1. Ewwww, tell me you did not share a pool with other people in the midst of corona? Especially as you say it was crowded?! Why would they let so many people there in the middle of pandemics? It does look delightful with all them animal statues! Organizers are still holding our local film festival next month here and I'm strongly against it, but some people are just irresponsible bastards and you cannot do anything about it.

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    1. To be honest, with or without Corona, I was skeeved. It's not my thing at all. The animal statues and artwork were amazing. They should honestly open a museum for all their artwork. Yea, a film festival right now isn't the best thing. I wonder why they can't do something like that virtually?

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  2. That was a great review! We have a Kalahari here, near Cedar Point. My son went once in middle school for a friend’s birthday and they spent the night there. I’m glad I never had to go because you and I share a hatred of pools!

    Lol on the need for a dress code! Amen! The spectrum between porn star and My 600 Pound Life is more than I can take.

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    1. Thank you! I typed it up before I went to bed the night we got home. I was still on a "vacation high", but I guess the quick write up helped because the details were all fresh in my mind. LMAO @ porn star & 600 lb life.. the perfect way to describe it!!! lol

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  3. I love your in-depth review. There's one a few hours from us located in Ohio. I've never been, but we always thought it looked neat. Unfortunately, I hate water parks and my girls are too old for them now, so we'll probably never visit. Well, if I ever get grand kids, I would then. That's really scary about how many people they are letting in, the broken lockers, and nobody manning the doors. Security is a big deal with me and if they can't even get that right, it's not worth a visit, imo.

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  4. hahahaha well you toned it down a little bit more than I expected.

    Security is a big one. But many don't care on a good day. Covid just makes them ignoring things and having a lot so crowded even worse.

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