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Wednesday, October 23, 2019

Let's Discss: Ghosting

With Halloween lurking nearby, I thought it would be appropriate to bring up the topic of ghosting.  Calm yourself!  I'm not talking about spooky ghosts like I've discussed here...  Ghosting is a new term that seems to be used by everyone in the dating pool these days.  Sadly, it seems that it also became trendy to do to people you want to get rid of.


Image result for ghosting meme; what is ghosting; why do people ghost

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What does it mean to "ghost" someone?


What is ghosting?

Ghosting is a relatively new term that refers to someone disappearing from your life without explanation.  While this can be used in reference to anyone, it's typically reserved for dates and/or relationships.

Why do people ghost?

I don't believe anyone fully knows the answer to this question.  My guess is that people ghost because they are insecure, afraid of confrontation, looking for an easy way out, or just plain inconsiderate.  To tell someone that you don't want to be in their life anymore isn't an easy thing to do but it's the right thing to do.  It's bad enough to be rejected, but it's worse to wait and wonder.

What is a real life example?

A good friend of mine recently got ghosted.  She was dating this guy for years when one day he just vanished into thin air.  He deleted her from all social media accounts, wouldn't answer calls, and he ignored all of the text messages.  A few months later he reappeared stating that he was depressed.  He decided to cut off contact to avoid bringing her down with him.  She gave him the benefit of the doubt to only be ghosted a second time.  Once again, she's blocked from any means of communication and with zero warning.  Depression or a jerk?  Please put your input in the comments!

Have you ever ghosted someone in your life?

In my twenties, I've told countless fibs to get out of dates.  I've made up limitless excuses to turn down men I wasn't interested in.  I even had big girl conversations to break up with two different exes that I outgrew.
...but I never, ever just ghosted on someone.  I couldn't. It would  h a u n t  me.  See what I did there?  hehe

What do you do after you've been ghosted?

You move on.  Say it with me this time..  YOU. MOVE. ON.

If someone disappeared from your life without a trace, they most likely don't deserve your time.  Time spent dissecting a relationship with someone who ghosted is time wasted.

How do you move on without closure?

As a person who suffers from anxiety, I personally rely on the art of distraction.  I do this by distracting my mind with something else.  A juicy read that may distract your mind while also remaining ghostly relevant is Ghosted: A Novel.  Another one of my favorites is Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.  This book is the bible of all dating books.  Click the links, read the books, and stop thinking about the jerk that disappeared like a ghost.

Why do you think people ghost?


21 comments :

  1. Oooh, we had one of the bloggers ghost on us like that, I was very close to her, we was the best of friends and she just disappeared one day and is still AWOL. I did hear she went on spying mission when Trump came to power (she was the part of the spying chain that uncovered those thousands of paedophiles which were uncovered in the first week of Trump's reign when he hit on them hard) and she does have a very sick husband, so who knows why she's gone missing, but I still miss her terribly and I think she could've just continued with an e-mail contact once in a while.

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    1. A spying mission?! What is that about? I have not heard of this. With all the garbage coming out of the news these days, I do my best not to listen. I do hope she is ok!

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    2. Oh, and there was that other blogging friend of ours who ghosted on us a few years ago without a trace and is now coming back suddenly as one of Amazon's top new Autumn writers with a new trilogy THE VINE WITCH coming out :)

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    3. I didn’t know her but that is so exciting! At least she ghosted to do something fun and wasn’t with ill intentions.

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    4. I've wondered what happened to her. Maybe the hillbillies in Southern Indiana finally got to her nerves and she went into hiding from them?

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    5. My theory is that either her husband died, sadly, and she changed her life totally, or she does not have money to pay for the internet, because they did have terrible financial problems after his accident. I will send you one day up to her town to investigate :)

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  2. lol isn't that what you did for 3 years? Geez, I guess it takes experience to know hahahaha

    Guy is a dbag, using her as a safety net after he's done fooling around with other people. Can't say I've ever ghosted anyone, told them where to go, made us excuses to get away from the crazies, but never ghosted.

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    1. I never ghosted as I always kept in touch. :)

      You think so? She’s convinced that he’s just depressed. He moved back in with his wife (apparently soon to be ex) because he couldn’t afford his own place anymore. I get bad vibes from him too. Maybe this time he will ghost for good!

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    2. Nah, depressed people wouldn't do it twice. His logic makes little since.

      "I left because I was depressed and didn't want to bring you down. But now you know and are okay with it yet I left again. Hmmm what could be my excuse this time?" Pffft.

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    3. Yea he’s got jerk written all over him. I keep telling her good riddens, but shes burned!

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  3. Ghosting is a major reason why people can't hold down a relationship. It's a game, and games suck.

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    1. Yes they do! I just don’t understand why

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  4. I'm the opposite and hang onto people far longer than I should. Maybe it would be easier to ghost them, but I'm a bleeding heart and let people walk all over me before I get pissed. At that point, they do know why we won't continue to be in each other's lives because I like to go out with a bang.

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    1. I’m similar to you. I’m not easily insulted and I’m pretty easy going. But once you get me mad, I explode! The good news is, it’s hard for me to hold a grudge. I’ve never ghosted. It would bother me!

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    2. I am the queen of holding a grudge. I haven't spoken to my sister in 10 years and I've had custody of her daughter during some of that time frame. When I get mad, I really get mad to the point of no going back, no forgiveness.

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    3. I held a grudge once in my life and it was towards my mother. A couple years later (we didn't speak for 2 years), she got really sick and almost died. Ever since then I swore up and down that I'd protect myself, but would never hold a grudge again. My relationships with people may change and become more guarded, but I don't let the negativity get to me anymore. That being said, I don't let toxic people in my life either.

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  5. Depression is one tough illness. I hope he's seeing someone to help him with it. To me, ghosting is a sign of immaturity and inconsiderate. You can have depression but be considerate.

    Elsie

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    1. I think he’s using it as an excuse. Do depressed people only delete their girl friend some social media and go to amusement parks? I hate when people use mental issues as an excuse when they don’t have it. It gives the people that do have it a bad rep.

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  6. I was pen pals with Casper the Friendly Ghost. He vampired me.

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  7. Vampires is not at all like in the movies or books. Sure, I understand. You are young you have the whole world open to you. You can be anything that you choose if you apply yourself and try hard to work toward that goal. But being a Vampire is not what it seems like. It’s a life full of good, and amazing things. We are as human as you are.. It’s not what you are that counts, But how you choose to be. Do you want a life full of interesting things? Do you want to have power and influence over others? To be charming and desirable? To have wealth, health, and longevity, I can help you solve any problem you are having
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