Monday, August 10, 2015

List: Ten ways to fake being rich.

My wonderful in laws surprised us with a five star honeymoon.
They booked us a 5 night stay at The Four Seasons resort in Palm Beach, Florida.
While the honeymoon was spectacular, let's just say that we were surrounded by people of a much higher class.
   To put things into perspective, a thermos of coffee was $14 and an omelet was $43.
To further put things into perspective, Josh Duhamel was also somewhere in the resort.
What I'm trying to say is, everything was beyond amazing but we were in the midst of some serious snobs!

In the hopes of not getting looked down upon, we pre-planned different ways to pretend to be rich.
For those of you who don't know me, I love to play pretend so this was just an added bonus to the trip!
Ten ways to pretend to be very, VERY wealthy. 

1.  Invest in a giant floppy hat.
I'm not sure why, but rich women can be seen wearing ridiculously large hats at all times.
They have different hats for different occasions and outfits, so be sure to plan accordingly!
Madre says this helps to preserve your skin and million dollar hair dye from the sun!

2.  Act like your just a tad bit better than everyone else.
While this certainly does not mean to be rude, remember that you know everything and that you're all around better.  
Walk with your head high and don't give anyone even the slightest inclination that they impressed you. 
This was exceptionally difficult for me considering I enjoy being friendly and to drool over Prada. 

3.  Don't ever flinch at a price tag.
You need to take deep breathes and pretend like that $35 tray of guac & chips didn't kill you.
You also need to splurge and fight the urge to order the cheapest thing on the menu.
This was easy for me to do.  I mean, I've never had expensive meals in my life but they certainly tasted 5-star!

4.  Invest in clip-on hair extensions.
I'm not sure what magical products rich people have, but their hair never seems out of place.
Clip on extensions made from real hair don't frizz or move in humidity.  Rock them like they're your own locks!
I found a brand that were virtually undetectable and now I'm sort of addicted to them.  Woops.

5.  Pack the newest clothes in your closet.
 I always thought that designer names were key, but my honeymoon taught me that it's all about look.
The more stylish and new an outfit is, the more you will blend in amongst the wealthier crowd.
Don't believe me?  I totally got a compliment from an obviously wealthy female on my new TARGET romper.  Psh!

6.  Leave your tips in cash.
Not only do servers prefer a cash tip, it's undetectable on your account.
Leave a decent tip of at least 20% and always in cash.  This is a win for both parties involved!
Besides, who wants to pay credit card interest rates on a tip?  Not I!

7.     Always remain virtually unimpressed.
No matter how delicious, beautiful, or amazing something is, remain unimpressed.
Remember that you've tasted, seen, and experienced better than what's in front of you. 
This one kills me.  I've wanted to dish out compliments left and right, but constantly had to control myself.

8.  Keep the pictures to a minimum.  
 This is the one rule that we constantly broke.  We were snapping pics left and right trying capture every memory.
Other than us, I didn't see one other person snap not one stinking picture the entire trip.
I guess this goes hand in hand with the fact that wealthier people are unimpressed with everything!

9Don't stalk out celebrities.
As much as I wanted to ask the front desk for Josh Duhamel's room # to knock on his door, I fought the urge. 
  Rich people apparently run into celebrities so often that it's just one other thing that doesn't faze them.
Not to mention, I was told that celebrities aren't wealthy people.  Wealth is either inherited or from business profits.  

10.  Do everything as slow as you possibly can. 
 Make sure that you eat, drink, walk, and even get into a standing position on snail speed.
I'm not sure if this is because rich people have nothing to do or if it's their way of enjoying something.
This one was awful considering that NYers rush through everything and anything!

Now that I really think about it, pretending to fit in with the wealthier class is exhausting.
It was definitely fun to be pampered and spoiled, but I could only take so much of it.
They even have workers to wash the sand off of your feet as you come off of the beach!  Awkward!
Let's just say that Jax is glad to be home surrounded by family, friends, and the comfort of "her people"!
How do you pretend to be rich amongst the wealthy?


  1. haha never had to deal with being around rich people. Damn, they even wash your feet? That is just sad, rich people are far to slow and lazy, it would get on my nerves pretending to be one. I can get up and get my own bottle of water thank you or wash the sand off my own feet lol Unless your RDJ, yeah most celebrities blow all their dough like idiots.

    1. And I mean RDJ as he makes a ton, he probably still buys dumb things. Judge Judy is as rich as can be too lol

    2. Yes, they washed my feet and talk about AWKWARD. The guy was telling me "it's paradise, mam" and "it's my pleasure". Oh, and according to these people, celebrities like RDJ is no competition to them and their money. That makes me SICK!!!

    3. haha I'd like to stay there and make fun of all the rich people, could provide a months worth of blogging.

  2. haha, what a fun take on your honeymoon. awesome. especially "remain virtually unimpressed".

    What a fun honeymoon and so sweet of your in-laws to gift you that. I hope you had a blast. And yes, big hats are certainly meant for hoity-toity events.

    1. lol Do you know how difficult it is to remain unimpressed while surrounded by some of the most impressive things ever??? hahaha

      Yes, my in laws are amazing for giving us such a great gift. I'm a lucky girl!

  3. hahhhhaaaaa, Jax, this is so freakin' funny. You are indeed, A NUT. :)
    Now, when my kids were in grade school, the auto windshield wipers came out...I pulled up in front of the school to get the kids and it was raining...when the car beside me pulled up and parked, her wipers came on automatically at different intervals (like they do now) car was fairly good looking but far from new...I sat the whole time, flipping my wipers every time HER wipers went off....what an airhead I was....;)

  4. lol I even feel looked down on amongst my fellow proletariats, so I could never pull this off. My best bet would be to buy a really big floppy hat and hide underneath it the whole time.

    1. LOL..well, even with that perspective, it's all about the floppy hat!

  5. Oh, I am laughing! Hilarious. But...the lady that gave you a compliment was breaking the rules!~ lol....

    1. I was cracking up as I wrote this. It was a fun post to write. She worked there. Does that still count???? hahahaha

  6. And if Duhamel is there... Fergie must be somewhere close too :)
    9 would be impossible for me.... I'd probably pay the receptionist to give me the keys of the room looking onto Duhamels.... preferably on his bathroom :)

    1. LOL!! I was tempted to at least buy a pair of bonaculars and try to peek in his window. But, I fought the urge!

  7. How thoughtful of your in-laws to do that for you guys - so sweet! haha the pictures one totally made me laugh because I'm constantly taking pictures!! xo, biana -BlovedBoston

    1. Yes, the are awesome for doing what they did. I've never been so embarrassed to take a picture in my life. lol

  8. How cool are your in-laws?! So sweet of them! But a $43 omelet- WHOA MAN! That's crazy!

    Le Stylo Rouge

  9. Wow, some great tips. Although, if I knew there was a star nearby...I would forget that I'm a woman--lady..the 8 year old in me would go crazzy!!! LOL.

    Hope you had a great honeymoon! :)

  10. I dunno. I like pretending as much as the next gal, but having to do all this makes it sound like the trip would be super boring. Sorry, but I'm going to balk at the price tags and act generally ridiculous haha

  11. How awesome that your in-laws gifted you your honeymoon! But I hear ya on the ridiculous price tags at those resorts, it never ceases to amaze me why vacationing in the U.S. is so much more expensive than in the islands! Love your floppy hat tip - so true!

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    1. Just don't be like my brother at the Great American Cookie Factory who literally said every curse word every time they said a price

  13. hahaha I would probably fail so miserably at pretending to be rich because i am so frugal! But this is hillarious!! And ps free honeymoon would be AMAZING!
    xo, Candace | Lovely Little Rants

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