Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Discussion: How to diffuse a fight with someone you love.

My man and I recently finished our Pre-Cana classes through the Catholic church.
There were many aspects of this class that were very enlightening.
The whole atmosphere of the class was great.  I wish we could attend one EVERY week!

We learned many new communication techniques, tips, and topics.
We learned different key concepts to help better and strengthen a relationship.
We also discussed other topics like parenting, finances, and future in laws.
Not to mention, all of these lovely tidbits are ours to keep in the form of a text book.  Love it!

My favorite lesson was how to extinguish your inner anger with your partner during a fight.
When you are angry with your partner, meditate on ten reasons why you love them.
Ok, so the deacon didn’t actually say “ten” reasons, but my OCD loves that number!

Let’s practice!
Despite constantly begging, my man still got beard hairs everywhere, including my toothbrush.
This is when I would take a deep breath and reflect on the reasons why I fell in love with him.

1.       He’s an amazing father.
2.       He’s always there when I need him.
3.       He’s even there when I don’t need him.
4.       He tries very hard to make me happy.
5.       He picks up the slack when work takes over my life.
6.       He tries to helps me cook even though he HATES it.
7.       He always considers my opinion.
8.       He actually enjoys shopping.
9.       He drops anything and everything to be there for my family.
10.   He’s willing to sacrifice so we can shine.

After mediating on those 10 things, I realize that those beard hairs aren’t all that serious.
I calmly leave the bathroom and ask him to shave in the shower if he can’t clean up after himself.
We hung a mirror in the shower.  Now he don’t have to clean up and I have a clean toothbrush!  Double win.

How do you try to keep calm when arguing with a loved one?


  1. Usually people leave me before I even get into the first argument with them! ◔̯◔ I did read an interesting quote on this topic: "When we get hurt by the one we love… we love them a little less each time." I can see how that can be true, but if you have an argument and then make up... perhaps you can love the person even more?

    1. I'm not sure how I feel about that. People get into fights/arugments all the time. Disagreements are not a reason to lose love for someone. Now, dirty fights? That's a different story!

  2. My husband and I are actually great fighters if that makes any sense...we dont raise our voices and calmly talk things through which is the first time in any relationship I was able to do that - probably why I married him LOL! xo, Biana -BlovedBoston

    1. That's awesome!! My man and I are like a Cuban-Sicilian bomb. Although, we have gotten better. Luckily, our disagreements are extremely rare.

  3. When I was younger I used to always have to be right, no matter what the cost, so I would argue and hold on to that anger just to make my point. As I've gotten older, wiser, and spent lots of time and money on my therapist's couch, I've realized that it's more important to remember the big picture. My hubby and I rarely get into arguments any more. If we disagree now we just open more wine. LOL

    1. Wine sounds like a great problem solver!!! I'll be investing some money in that. haha

  4. This is an excellent idea....very good advice, Jax.

  5. When I get mad, I usually just walk away. I stay to myself for a while until I calm myself down. Then I go to the source of the problem and make my opinion known as clearly as I possibly can.

    I have a very short fuse and I only actually have patience for children, mentally handicapped people, or somebody I know for a fact doesn't know what they've done wrong so walking away is the best option for me. Repeat offenders beware.

    1. We've learned to do this. When we get mad, we explode. My man's taken the habit of walking out of the house and running a quick errand. Then we can sit down and discuss it. Luckily, we don't fight all that often. Although we do bicker but that's half the fun of our relationship. lol

  6. Fight? What's that? Only thing I have to do is yell at Orlin as he eats something. He doesn't stop until I get up and go after him. He stops, I win. Case closed lol

    1. LOL I wish my biggest fear was a cat eating a bug. :) LOL

    2. lol hair on a toothbrush is nasty though

  7. I don't know which celebrity was it, but someone once said that the key to happy marriage is having separate bathrooms :)

    1. Oh, and amen to that!!! Beard hairs in my toothbrush is so NOT ok.

  8. I usually hate conflict so I usually just let Daisy compromise on something.

  9. Good for you!!! Nice job on using your tools to not be mad! Seriously.

    I cleaned the entire house on Thursday night in preparation of his Mom's arrival the next day (including SCRUBBING the bathroom), then I went off to get groceries. When I came back in the house, I saw that Jay's stubble was gone. Upon looking at him, I literally said "omg, great ..." in an annoyed tone and headed to the bathroom to look at this beard hair that I was sure I would find. He followed me in and said "that was a rude response, you know. I shaved in the shower because I knew you worked hard on the bathroom." In that moment, I realized that a) I didn't even try to be nice before I jumped to 'annoyed' and b) I didn't even give him a chance to show that he was considerate that I had just cleaned the whole bathroom. It was a nice reminder of the little things like that!~

  10. i wish everyone was required to take those classes. i've heard nothing but good things about them!

  11. These are great tips to keep in mind! If everyone followed these guidelines (or at least some of 'em!), big fights would be fewer and farther between.

    Le Stylo Rouge

  12. I agree...keeping a perspective is what it's all about. Our bathroom has beard hairs, too...but then, if I'm honest, when I blow dry my hair, I leave hairs on the floor, so I guess we're even. ha.


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