Wednesday, May 20, 2015

List: Ten ways life changes after marrying the person you live with.

The wedding date is quickly approaching.
July 26, people!!!  Double eep!!!
This means that full stress mode is officially kicking in.
For a perfectionist, planning an event that has so many opportunities for problems is very stressful!
Not to mention, the financial aspect of it is an anxiety killer.  I’ll be lucky if I pay my vendors in full.
Everything tripled its value because it’s a wedding.  The church even takes advantage charging $710!

People keeping asking me if I’m nervous for the big day, and I always say “YES!!!”
You and I know that I’m not nervous because of saying I do, but others don’t know that.
Everyone always assumes that I’m afraid to get married and to exchange vows.
Their assumption is confirmed when they respond with “Why?  You’re practically married anyway.”
Whenever I hear this statement, I get really angry!  You can’t be practically married.  You just can’t!

I understand that my man and I have been living together for the past three years.
I understand that we clearly aren’t virgins and that we’ve been raising a child together.
I understand that we combined our finances and that both our names are on our lease.
So, we moved a little quickly.  Things happen and clearly it’s been working out!
Marriage might not be as huge of a change for us as others, but changes are inevitable.

Ten ways your life will change after marrying the person you already live with.
This list is dedicated to the ones that think practically married people’s lives won’t change.

1.  Commitment
Spiritually and legally we will be making a serious commitment to each other.
While we have been committed to each other the past few years, a marriage solidifies the bond.
In other words, the only way out would be to break our promise to God and to pay lots of money!

2.  Titles
The titles boyfriend and girlfriend or domestic partners will be a thing of the past.
After marriage, we will refer to each other and be referred to as husband and wife.
It’s crazy how simple titles can change how you view each other and how other’s view you.

3.  Tax Status
We will no longer have to spend hours researching and playing with numbers to figure out our taxes.
It will no longer matter who claims head of household or who claims the baby girl.
Besides, word is after we are wed and file joint returns, we should see a much heftier pay back!

4.  Security
After marriage, people may feel more secure in a relationship and more obligated to work through things.
Feeling secure in a relationship makes trivial things less important and helps people open up.
That means I can totally go to bed with placenta in my hair and cream on my zits without feeling shy.

5.  Decision Making
From the day we are wed, every decision we make will directly affect the lives of each other.
Living together means respecting each other’s decisions.  Marriage means deciding together.
After marriage, simple stuff like opening an IRA or getting a ticket will be considered OUR problem.

6.  Name Change
After 26 years of being called Ms. Jax, I will now be MRS. my man’s last name.
It’s the start of a whole new life to be lived under a whole new name.
I’m having a very hard time accepting this.  Changing my name feels like losing my identity.

7.  Gain Family Members
Our extended families will now be doubled and filled with in laws.
It’s no longer just my mom and dad that I will worry about it.  I’ll gain a second set of parents.
Does this mean that I have to memorize a whole new set of birthdays??  Hello, calendar!

8.  Credit
Over the past 3 years we have made countless decisions that affected our individual credit reports.
Our credit decisions may directly affect both of us after we tie the knot.
We plan to get a mortgage after the wedding, so let’s hope we impacted our credit positively!!

9.  Validation
It may be 2015, but I still get funny looks when people hear that I have a child and I’m not married.
In the eyes of some people, getting married validates my family and will legitimatize my child.
It’s pathetic to worry about this, but I’m so sick of being judged as an unfortunate circumstance.  Ug!!

10.  Plans
Planning a future no longer ends at my 401K deduction.  We need to make a plan to suit our future.
Life insurance policies, retirement plans, and investments are all things we need to consider.
The type of plans necessary to support a family are endless and sort of trigger my anxiety.  Sigh!

What do you think changes after marriage, even for those already sharing an address?


  1. Girl you certainly are much more mature about relationships and your future than most young brides I have met. I wish you a lifetime of happiness together!

  2. I love how you're so practical about this because it's all true :) It's almost time!

    1. Thanks, Rooth!! The days are counting down and my stress level is counting up. hahaha

  3. Daisy is really happy to have my last name

    1. Sigh...I'm on the fence with this. I love my last name. I's MY last name!!!! Why don't the men change THEIR last name??? Hmph

  4. The name change, taxes and title would have been all I guessed. Geez, you make it sound so complicated haha wise list indeed though.

    1. The name change kills me. UGGGG That part kills me.

      It is complicated. I dare you to challenge my anxiety. If my anxiety beats my train of thought, I'm thinking it'll beat yours too. :) hahahaha

    2. Hmm, well in a month, tops, it can all be over and done with besides living life and one month out of 40-50 years or more together isn't a ton in the grand scheme of things. See, not so complicated. How was that? lol

  5. Aren't you supposed to make this list after the wedding? haha....How do you know already? Come next year, I want you to do a repost and see if your list has changed. lol....
    And something tells me you've already celebrated his parent's birthdays, etc in the last three years...and with gifts, if I know you! :)

    1. LOL! It was a bit of a rant, Betsy. It's just sooo frustrating to keep hearing the same thing all the time. Not to mention, a little insulting sometimes. I will update the list next year. :)

      ...and, of course I get his parents gifts. It's like you know me better than I know myself! haha

  6. OMG that is really close! But you and the Viking are already living together so I guess not much will change :)

    1. Not much will change, but some things will. I swear!! hehe

  7. You should calm down and take a deep breathe. I am sure everything will go amazing. I think it is great that you are preparing this list and getting prepared for after you are married.

    1. Thank you very much, Jessica!! I'll keep on breathing... haha :)

  8. Congrats then! I bet you all are juggling a million things then.

    I would add to your list (a few years down the road) that everything that was mine has been donated, thrown out, or otherwise disappeared. Yes, even the weight room has long since vanished and become the "sewing and craft room."

    1. Juggling a million things sounds about right. I'm glad your back, Slam, because you totally get me. haha

      LOL!!! I'm definitely showing him this comment. He should be prepared for the future.

  9. Congrats on your upcoming wedding! Don't be nervous!

    I personally don't think marriage validates or solidifies a relationship, though. My other and I have been living together for round about four years now. We don't plan on getting married, despite his family constantly dropping hints because of our kid (I feel you there... the amount of hate we get for not being married and having a kid is ridiculous). We don't feel like it's necessary considering we already have everything combined. I'm on his insurance, we're both on the lease, share a bank account, he has me and our daughter as his beneficiaries for his life insurance.
    We don't need a piece of paper to take things seriously. We've had VERY bad fights, but worked it out because that's what people in relationships that love each other do. *shrug*

    1. Madilyn, I LOVE this. Like, really really really LOVE this.

      As I mentioned about, I feel so silly feeling this way. It's the people that are around me (some strangers and some really far from it) that make me feel bad for what they would consider my illegitamate family. I'm looking forward to kicking those snarls in the butt. :)

    2. Oh jeez, I'm relieved! Moments after I posted it, I thought maybe I was being rude or something, which wasn't my intention!

      Your family is SO not illegitimate. If you're calling it your family, that's all the validation you need. I've since brushed these sort of comments and expectations off (I've had 6 years of it and I'm done lol). Have fun kicking butts, though! :)

  10. Tax status was a huge shocker for us - womp womp!! But worth it! xo, Biana -BlovedBoston

  11. Getting married definitely changes things! I love having a new last name! :D

    Her Heartland Soul

  12. yup, yup and yup! There are distinct differences. We did our taxes together this year for the first time and it was really easy! Also, the name change thing I'm ALMOST done with. So annoying!!! I wish you could just push a button and have it all be done. I hate going to government offices.

  13. I'm going to send my coworkers here. They're always saying that my boyfriend and I should just get married already because we do live together. I always tell them that I'm not ready. They don't understand why. The biggest thing is that right now, should anything happen (God forbid), I can pack my bags and walk away without another worry. Putting my name on a legal paper with his name means I'm not able to do that. I can't see my life without him, but it feels almost like I would be trapped, if that makes sense?

  14. There is a bigger sense of security when you're married to the person you live with. I wasn't married to my daughter's father and it was just a bit easier to tell him to hit the bricks when things got rocky. Now that I'm married to Devin, it is harder to say "get out" and I'm more apt to try and work on our problems rather than run away.

  15. I think it's really important to recognize that things WILL change. Being prepared for it is better than being surprised by it! :)

    Le Stylo Rouge

  16. I guess all the legal business is the biggest change. It also seems like in today's society people get bored of others (sadly) and move on way too much, so the symbolic meaning of strengthening a commitment by actually getting married is important too.


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