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Wednesday, March 18, 2015

List: Ten important discussions to have before moving in together.


A couple of weeks back, my best friend and her man decided to move in together.  EEP!  I’m so happy for them!  They are a great couple that seem to have each other’s best interests at heart.  I know that this is just one more step in their lengthy, happy relationship together.

My man and I have been living together for eight long years now.  While there are certainly some perks to making this step, some things just stink about it.  Sometimes I wish I listened to my mother's warnings and was proactive in avoiding arguments.


what to talk about before living together; moving in together topic starters; living together topic starters

Ten topic starters before moving in together.

1.  What does "personal space" mean to you?
Make sure that you have a clear definition of each other’s personal space.  Personal space can be anything from your designated area of the closet to needing time alone to think.  Talk about it in detail so that you start off on the same page.

2.  What is your current morning routine?
Start with a full description no matter how boring of your current routines.  Then discuss what's negotiable and what's not negotiable.  This includes what time you both start work and how long it takes you to get read in the AM.  If you have similar schedules, try your hardest to be considerate and compromise.  Do NOT wait until you live together to talk about it at 5AM as you both race to the shower..

3.  What is your financial situation and what do you expect for after?
There are a lot of finances necessary for funding a living space.  Make sure it’s clear who is paying for what and how much they should contribute.  Don’t forget to take into account things like food, cable, or even household necessities.  Sometimes it's easier to combine finances and label all funds as "our money".  This depends on how serious and comfortable you are with you partner.

4.  What are your eating habits?
People have different expectations when it comes to eating.  When you live with someone, they may expect to eat dinner with you regularly.  Others may have different diets that conflict.  Whatever the situation, discuss an eating plan and budget that make both of you happy.  

5.  How attached are to your things?
When two people are moving into one space, there is bound to be lots and lots of doubles.  Decide which pieces of furniture you plan to keep and whose set of towels will make the cut.  Some people find it easier just to start out fresh and slowly make new purchases that fit both tastes.  If that's the case, great, but don't forget to donate!

6.  If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
Before even considering living together, make sure you’re both on the same page for a location.  Perhaps one person needs to stay in their living space because it’s closer to work or family.  Discuss the best options.  Maybe you both need to pack and move to a whole new space!

7.  Please be blunt and tell me your 3 most obnoxious habits.
We all have habits that we can't help but others find absolutely obnoxious.  Maybe you like to utilize the bedroom floor as your laundry hamper or sleep with the light on.  Instead of dealing with it months after moving in together when you explode, talk it out with your partner until it’s resolved.

8.  What chores do you hate the most?
As you continue to reside in the same home, you will develop a routine.  I promise!  Despite that, you must make a chore plan prior to moving in together in order to avoid a fight.  Decide who will do the dishes, take out the garbage, clean the bathroom, or make the bed.

9.  How do you feel about an open door policy to select guests?
Do not invite guests over before checking with your partner.  Perhaps they already made plans or maybe they just aren’t in the mood to entertain.  Either way, it’s important to be considerate when making plans or inviting guests.  Some may be OK with an open door policy.  Others may prefer to host periodically.  While some may not like other people in their home at all.

10.  What can we do to ensure that we communicate regularly?
Please do NOT forget to communicate.  Things that you think don’t matter, do.  If you’re staying late at work, shoot a text.  If you’re sick and don’t want to be bothered, say so.  If you plan on making a huge purchase that will affect the budget, give your partner a heads up.  I know this one is tough especially for us independent women but communication is key.

What topics would you talk about?

29 comments :

  1. You are wise beyond your years! Excellent list. I think communication is the key to any healthy relationship, and certainly the cornerstone of a long lasting marriage.

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    1. Communication really is so important. Yet, it's so hard to actually do. haha

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  2. Love your blog! Great to read

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  3. absolutely true!! everyone considering moving in should see this list! ps: my web designer said to clear your cache and history and my comment box should show up. i hope that helps :))

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  4. Yes to the guest one. Nothing worse than coming home and finding 50 people in your place. Why I will NEVER again have roommates, ugg. Communication is key in all things

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    1. hahahahaha Sounds like someone has some bitterness in their tone!

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  5. If there are things you just can't stand, be vocal before it happens. My boyfriend likes music with heavy bass, which isn't the issue, but he likes playing the bass so loud the ground shakes. I loathe that with the fiery passion of a thousand burning suns. He always turns it down when I'm around. In return, I only listen to music we both enjoy when he's around and listen to whatever I want with my headphones.

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  6. This is a great list of items and I totally agree you need to discuss all of these items before moving in with someone.

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  7. me has never lived with anyone... hug me please....

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  8. We have a medicine cabinet where it is in two sections. One section is only a tenth of the size as the other. They made it with women who live with men in mind.

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  9. I remember watching this documentary with former boxing champ Larry Holmes in it, and he would call his wife and let her know he was bringing home guests.. then after he hung up, he explained doing these types of things for each other was why they had had such a long successful marriage. That was the final scene of the movie...an earlier scene in the movie showed Larry doing the exact same thing for his wife maybe 20 or 30 years earlier when he was a young man. So, if people can follow Jax advice for that long they too will have successful relationships and a happy life as well!

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    1. Aww, I love that!! Now I kind of want to see that movie. :)

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  10. This advice will DEFINITELY come in handy one day.

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  11. it's pretty funny I was more nervous about moving in with my now husband than I was marrying him...I think recognizing personal space and also just realizing how the person is when they come home from work is really important...like do they want to talk or just relax for a bit before getting into their day! xo, Biana -BlovedBoston

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    1. Right? I tell people all the time that it was harder to adjust living with a man than it was to adjust to having an infant/child. Weird, but true!

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  12. Great list (as usual) and I loved this: "...did just hear an EEP and the sound of a seal clap..." ha.

    I really agree with all of this, all of it! I am so thankful that my husband and I have never had to share the bathroom in the morning because I hear so many horror stories from people about it! I leave at 7:10 AM which is about when he gets up to be at work around 8, so we always just miss each other and it makes it so nice.

    The chores are the biggest for me.He will do anything I ask of him but he will NOT proactively choose to do a chore, and it really bugs me. Like unless I tell him, it just won't get done which is an ongoing battle.

    Lol, I could go on and on so I'll stop about this but I really like the list. You make excellent points!

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    1. hahahaha My man is the same way. He does most of the hardcore scrub downs, but I have to lay little hints. Like, the kitchen reallllyyy needs a scrubbing..if only I had the time.

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