Monday, November 10, 2014

List: How to know he/she is the one to marry.

I met with Sis and her mother for lunch last week.
She looked me straight in the eye, and gave me a very clear, stern warning.
"Darling, if you don't start seriously planning your wedding, there will not be one."
...then she arranged for the bridal party to go dress shopping.  That's why she's my BFF...

A gigantic salad and a slice of pizza later, we got on the topic of l o v e.
Remember when Jax was afraid of that word?  Oh, how we change...
Sis, too, is smitten and thinking of taking the next step with her man.
That's when we started reminiscing and thinking about how we know they are "the one" for us.

How to know he/she is "the one".
Am I as red as I was in the pizzeria?  I mean, I'm not really the "romantic" type!

1.  Always willing to lend a helping hand.
After working a 12 hour shift, do you come home to another mini-shift, or does your significant other pick up the slack?  "The One" will want to help you and will want to take on some of your burdens.  If you feel like you are always giving and never getting , your partner isn't really a partner.  You need to ask yourself if you really want to spend the rest of your life slaving over someone that can't even lift a finger for you. 
Teamwork and equality is the motto in my home.  I cooked, then you clean!  Fair is fair.

2.  Financially stable and willing to help support you.
I hear about way too many people rushing into relationships when they can't even support themselves.  Rule #1 is, make sure you are able to put a roof over your own head and food on your own table.  After you accomplish that, ask yourself if your partner can do the same.  If so, then the next question to ask is, is he/she willing to sacrifice so you both can afford a life together?  If they are able to support themselves and willing to support a family with you, then they might be "the one".
My worst fear is being left to fend for myself and to have nothing.  Financial independence eases that fear...

3.  You are with them because you want to, not because you need to.
I can walk away from MyMan at any time and be alright.  I have a decent job, a loving family,  and I know I can handle being a single mommy.  That being said, I am with my man simply because I want to be.
...and what a great feeling that is...

4.  They are always there.
If no matter what time of day or what the situation, you can pick up the phone and have someone answer, they might be "the one".  One co-worker of mine swears her man is "the one", but he's married and every night he goes home to his wife.  If my co-worker gets robbed at midnight, there is no way her man will be available to her.  If you are in a relationship and still feel alone, maybe that person is not "the one" for you.
Also, please note... for the love of God, leave the married ones alone.  Respect them, marriage, and yourself.

5.  They become part of your family and you become part of theirs.
If they treat your mom as well as they treat their own, they may be the right match for you.  It takes a lot for a person to go out of their way for someone who isn't their own blood.  They are most likely doing that for you, not for your family.  That type of respect is very hard to come by.  Hopefully their family accepts you as their own, and you eventually find time with them as enjoyable as you do with your own family.
I always loved the idea of marrying one, big family.

6.  Trust in all aspects of life.
If your partner was accidentally locked in a dark room with an unbelievably sexy person of the opposite sex, would you be able to trust them that they remained true to you?  If you are able to say yes without a doubt in your mind, they could be "the one".  Trust doesn't just mean commitment.  You also need to trust this person to be a decent parent, to be stable, to take care of you, and to be truthful in all situations.
I struggle with this one.  I'm naturally jealous without a reason to be.  Insecure much?

7.  Do they respect you in all situations?
Either they respect you or they don't.  If not, then run because you can do so much better than that.
You really can.  I promise!

8.  You can enjoy time with them even doing simple things.
Everybody loves a nice night out, a fancy dinner, and a few drinks.  "The one" won't need to do that every weekend just to enjoy life with you.  Chinese food and a corny movie on the couch would be enough to have an enjoyable evening with the right person for you.  Chores can even be fun when you are doing it next to someone you love.  "The one" makes almost everything enjoyable.
MyMan puts towels on the bottom of his bare feet and shimmies across the kitchen floor.  See, it can be fun!

9.  You and your partner have a good physical connection.
Obviously sex is important, but a physical connection is so much more than that.  The right person will want to touch you for any reason they can muster up.  Holding hands while grocery shopping, a quick shoulder rub while doing your hair, and locking your feet together at night while falling asleep all count as physical connections.
You'll be surprised how these simple touches really put extra confidence in your relationship.

10.  They are willing to do almost anything to make you happy.
In the words of my uncle "A happy wife, makes a happy life".
...besides, who doesn't want to see someone they love smile?

How do you know they are "the one"?


  1. lmao yes, leave the married ones the hell alone, nothing but trouble, yet they keep going back to them. When you have all those things you sure know, at least I'll nod and agree for "the one" has yet to show. And look at you not afraid of the word love.

    1. LOL I'm not going to lie...I cringed a little as I read the L word in your comment. Maybe I'm not as immune to it as I thought. haha

    2. haha well I'll give you a double cringe, you're "short on love." Not in love with being short. The love and the short of it? Love my short retort?

    3. Lol!!!! We are fighting again... errrr

  2. All of those things, plus I saw what it was like when I went home last year after I visited. (Were you still here for that?) I came to visit him in April 2013 and stayed for eleven days. Then when I left, we both cried and our relationship got even stronger because we both felt what it was like to not physically be with each other- so how terrible must it have felt to not have each other at all? I can't even imagine that.

    1. They do say absence makes the heart go fonder. Great addition and it totally should it's own number!

  3. This is an absolutely fantastic list, and is really honest! I definitely need someone who is willing to reaffirm to me how they're feeling - words stick with me, so I definitely need that reminder that things are good. That being said, words without actions are bullshit, so to me, you definitely need to SEE that what they're saying is how they feel. My boyfriend now not only says how he's feeling, but all of his actions show that he means what he's saying.
    Awesome, awesome post! :)

    1. That is great! Sounds like you really have great guy. :) I am glad you enjoyed the post.

  4. wouldn't know, never really met the right one!

  5. "A happy wife, makes a happy life".

    and if she's mad, RUN!

  6. These are great. For me, respect and trust are the two most important things. Oh, and also if he can make me laugh :)

    1. Yes those are huge!!! I have been trying to post comments on your page for so long, but they do not post when I use my phone. I used my work computer and it posted. Ug!!! Technical difficulties!

  7. These are all very mature indicators. I'm still stuck back at "If I can talk to her for six hours at a time and she looks sexy and has a favourite episode of The Simpsons, she might be the one".

    This is why I'm single.

    1. I am glad you noticed how mature I am now...well, a little bit mature. :p

      And single is a good thing!!

    2. Nah I'd rather have a girlfriend.

  8. Wow! If you have found all those things in one person. they are DEFINITELY the one!

  9. I wish I had your list before I got married. Maybe I wouldn't have ended up a single woman. Lol! No, seriously, Most of the points you mentioned, were not even evident in my relationship. But I did marry him. I overlooked a lot of stuff I shouldn't have and I paid for it, bigtime.

    This is a great post, and a lot of us can benefit from taking what you said seriously.

    It's fantastic to have you back Jax. :-)


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