Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Dinner Date Disasters

This past weekend I spent 3 hours on the phone catching up with my girlfriend.
Oh please, don’t look so surprised!  We’re girls.  We like to yap…
I was real excited for her because that evening she was going on a hot date.
She was headed out to some fancy restaurant so she decided to pick my brain for advice.
After going through about 50 outfits, we decided what would be best for the occasion.
We even laid out some conversation starters to avoid any form of awkward silence.
She was feeling real good, when the blabber in me blurted something out.
Once again, we’re girls.  The blurting out is common for our species.
Dinner dates have the highest potential for mishaps.

Dinner dates are great for hearty conversation, but they also set the stage for a great disaster.
Being chatty girls, we thought of every potential disaster while nervously laughing at the possible outcomes.
No worries, Jax would never leave you in the dark!
Here are our guidelines on how to avoid dinner date disasters!

1.  Drinking.
Avoid over drinking.
That doesn’t just refer to the booze!
Some people get nervous and drink several glasses of water. 
Unless you want to spend the second half of your date in the lady’s room tinkling it out, stop yourself!

2.  Dinner Order
This is the most stressful part that could set the tone for the rest of the date!!
Order something too large and you seem like a wasteful pig.  Order the too little and you appear insecure.
I try to avoid finger foods and salads. I opt for something more practical like a pasta or chicken dish.

3.  Napkin Wipe
This one is for the men!
One of my biggest pet peeves is the way men wipe their face.
Do it too dainty and we’re turned off.  Do it too rough and you look like a caveman.  Find a happy medium!

4.  Teeth
I’m always petrified of something being stuck in my teeth.
I’m constantly looking into the blade of the knife to check.  Don’t do this.  You’ll get a weird look!
Try a more subtle approach like a quick peek into the reflection of your cell phone.

5.  Conversation
Remember that you about to eat and keep the conversation light!
Don’t go discussing your view on the Love Your Lady Bits documentary during the meal.
My girlfriend did that and he never called back.  Just sayin…

6.  Breath
Keep tic tacs, gum, and brush ups in your bag at all times.
Try to avoid stanky foods that can up the funk like garlic or curry.
Avoid buffalo sauce too.  I gag at the scent of that stuff.  Bleh!!

7.  Attire
Dress appropriately for the restaurant that you will be going to.
Try to wear something that has a little room to grow.  The worst is having to suck in your gut all night!
See why we prefer salads, men?!  That skin tight dress ain’t gonna be too comfortable after a steak!

8.  Feet
Keep your feet in your own personal space.
Someone that we all know and love insists on swinging his damn feet all dinner long!  Hello bruises!

9.  Dessert
If he looks anxious for dessert, don’t turn him down.  He probably wants to spend more time with you!
Offer to split something delicious, or compromise and order a yummy drink.
Besides, who can say no to a chocolate molten cake?  Yum!!

10.  Etiquette
Don’t talk with your mouth full.
If you don’t like something, suck it up and swallow.
Try not to spit out your food or drink over something really funny.
Bring a moist toilette in case you sneeze or cough.
Don’t grab food off your date’s plate without asking permission.
Avoid talking with your hands to prevent knocking something over.
I’m famous for that one!  I’m also famous for waving my fork around while talking and throwing food everywhere.

What do you do to avoid dinner date disasters?


  1. Oh the beloved dinner date.

    I never considered that I am too rough with a napkin. So thanks for bringing that to my attention.

    Another tough thing, at least for guys, is figuring out where to go. I typically like to let the girl pick the time, and I pick the place. The only thing that sucks is figuring out what type of place is appropriate. It is also tough if you are not familiar with the area that the woman lives.

    Jax, I don't know if I find it impressive or scary that you are able to help someone pick out an outfit over the phone.

  2. @Youngman...LOL Yes, the napkin wipe is crucial!

    Great point!!! I think I could work that into a different post. I have great ideas of how to pick out the perfect spot :)

    It's impressive!!! I color coded that closet so I know most of the pieces. Usually we have to ichat to get the full effect, but the mental image was sufficient. hahahaha

  3. Sounds like solid advice to me!

  4. Ha, ha I was thinking many times i dont go oit for dinner, sounds nice to me espedcially if you havdnt yo wash the plates LOL

  5. And NO GARLIC!!
    I once was on a dinner date with a guy and he licked his knife... I 'lost' his number :)

    1. Yes. Sara is true bu if both love garlic??
      But is true garlic is not romantc lol

  6. Now that you've covered all that, when shall I pick you up for a fish sandwich?

  7. hey look...BamaTrav just asked you out! :)

    You should write a book, Jax. Wonderful tips and your wit just makes it so fun to read! :)

  8. @Gia...Of course it is! I wouldn't post anything less ;) haha

    @Gloria...I'm all for not washing dishes!! Great point!

    @Sara...Licked a knife??? Oh my!! That's not sexy. At all...

    @Gloria...Ohhh, I loveee garlic! But you're right, it's NOT romantic. hahaha You'll smell like a clove all night long!

    @Bama...After my diet! I love fishamijs, but they aren't a good idea for bikini season. lol

    @Betsy...I believe he did. LOL!! Aw, thank you! Yes, my g/f has said that to me before. Maybe one day I'll print out all my lists and see what I've got :)

  9. You need to write a book girl!!! I sent my boys to cotillion (that's what these mannerly southern types do here in North Cackalacky) to learn which fork to use at dinner, which bread plate was theirs, which water glass was theirs etc. Oh yea they learned some fancy dances too and hated every minute of it. LOL

  10. The fork one is kind of scary, knowing you, you might accidentally stab someone, that would surely end the date...LMAO

    Always so much to consider, can't over do it or under do it, geez. Never knew about the napkin wipe either, of course going all dainty with it is something I'd never do anyway, guess I'll have to reign in any caveman tendancies..haha

    Maybe the feet swinger is just nervous..hahaha

    But yeah many mishaps can arise and with them you are kind of stuck there. Of course there are ways around that

  11. Jax, I think it is SO awkward when someone asks you a question and you're in the middle of a mouthful. Gah, I hate that

  12. @KeepingItReal...Oh my, you're officially my idol!!! All boy's mommys should force them to take some sort of ettiquite class. They may have hated it then, but will appreicate it in the future. :)

  13. @Pat...I would never stab someone!!!! Usually I just get food all over whoever is near me. I can't help it!! Like you're hands don't move around when you speak...hmph...

    Yes, when in doubt, go caveman style!! LOL Ohhhh how I HATE when men do the corner of the mouth napkin dab. Like, no no no no!!!!

    The um, I mean feet swinger just likes to swing his damn feet and bruise my shins!!!! I shimmy as far as possible when we go out, and he STILL finds my shins!

  14. Great tips! I love your commentary. :)

  15. @Rooth...Ohhh, agreed!!! Like, what until I swollow dude! LOL Great point :)

  16. This is gold Jax, and I think you need your own newspaper column.

    In reference to the napkin wipe: so I guess wearing long sleeves and using that to clean my face is a "no-no"?

    Don't answer that.

  17. LOL so you make someone a human food stand and you have the nerve to go after the napkin dabber?..hahahahaha...the only time my hands go is when I'm mocking someone who makes theirs go..hahaha

    I guess they are just trying to show how high class they are with the dab thing or how dainty they are, which never goes over well..haha

    Ohhh well that explains it, he just enjoys making you suffer..hahaha

  18. Love your take on the dessert! It is a way a man lets you know he wants to spend more time with you. So many women don't see that because they are too nervous about saying yes or making a selection. Great post, Jax!! You may be the next Carrie!!

  19. @Slam...Oh, that would be nice! I would love one too :) Thanks for the compliments!! And, no, just no to shirt sleeve. hahahaha Oh wait, I wasn't supposed to have answered that!

  20. @Pat...I don't make anyone a human food stand!!!! It's not my fault that Italian food is so yummy that everyone wants to eat all of it. hahaha You would mock me then b/c I look like I'm conducting an orchestra when I talk.

    @PreppyGirl...Thank you!! I still need to watch Sex and the City. Apparently I missed out on the greatest show of all time ;) The dessert is a great way to tell if he's into you or not!

  21. "Suck it up and swallow". My mind is in the gutter Jax!! My brain automatically put that phrase out of context. I had a guy tell me once that they love it when a woman orders a steak. I have no idea why they like it, it mus be something primal. Seeing a woman tear into a huge piece of meat... Oh Christ, I've done it again.

  22. well done! I love your lists!

    I've never thought of it before but it's so true about the drinking! When I'm nervous I just drink and drink my water in front of me, I've never really thought about it.

    Great ideas for an order. Easy to eat and yummy!

    As for conversation, I usually would have a couple lingering "go to" questions revved in my head in case we ever hit a lull. That way I was guaranteed to avoid the dreaded silence!

  23. I loved reading the gossip post, even if it is for a guy's POV. I think now that you have strung us along for all of this we deserve a follow up (craving to hear the post date wrap up).

  24. O h my, I've to been on one in years, so I could use all the tips I can get!

  25. i so need to call my best friend, but i am avoiding it for that exact reason. i know we'll be on the phone for hours!

  26. hahaha so one just has to be on their toes and catch the food in their mouth before it gets on them..hahaha

    LOL something else to add to the list to make fun of..haha

  27. This is AWESOME advice, you are spot on!

  28. Omg, so pleased I don't have to go on dinner dates with strangers anymore. Phew. Forgot all the 'rules' etc. I was always messing up anyway. Hope your friend had a good time.

  29. @Anne - your comment had me rolling!

    I'm to embarrassed to order pasta in a restaurant.

    Scratch that, I WAS to embarrassed. Now, I'm married and don't care if I have sauce all over my face and a strand of spaghetti hanging off my chin. Heck, my husband will tell me...

    or not and let me walk around looking like a fool. Never mind. I've rethought it - I'm going back to my original statement -

    I'm to embarrassed to order pasta...

  30. Wait, so not only am I not supposed to put my bare feet on the dinner table, but girls are judging the way I use a napkin, too?

    What if I use my collar? Worse?

    What if I hold the napkin in between my toes and wipe my face...? You have to appreciate the flexibility, at least.

  31. Fantastic advice Jax. I just love the way you write and I agree, you should write a book. You're a natural.

    I usually carry some floss with me when I go out on dinner dates, just in case food get stuck in my teeth. That can be so embarrassing!

  32. for me it was very hard to prepare for a dinner date... all in my mind was food lol just kidding :)
    but actually i was always unprepared :)
    but now i'm already married and once a while we still do "dinner date" so its something different, i have to impress him so i will try to look great :)
    xoxo, Haus of Gala

  33.'re Italian...your hands move when you talk MUCH more than the rest of us! LOL!

  34. Jax, you had me LOL! These are all so true. I order something doesn't require a lot of fuss. HAHAHA Oh gosh, one time I had a gay waiter that really liked my date. When it came time to pack what was left over he packed my date's food so nicely and wrote a thank you on his and then he dumped mine and closed the lid. I wanted to smack him! HAHAHAHA

  35. Wonderful tips. Guide for getting a second date or "hoe to avoid self-destruct on firstdate. Bookmarking it, my too comfortable married life also needs this not just dates. And also dutch treat and business lunch, excellent tips there.

    And about doggy packing, why do people do that? No girl is fall for you if you ask for doggy pack.

  36. @Anne...I was waiting for someone to point that out!! I should have known it would be you ;) hahahaha

    @Caitlin...Oh, I HATE the feeling of having to pee. Thats such a mood killer for the date. Not to mention, he may think you have other issues if you keep excusing yourself. hahaha Glad that you liked the list!

    @Shain...The follow up is, my friend didn't like him. She said he spoke about money too much. Instant mood killer!

    @Elle...Glad I could help!!

    @Amy...Yes, friend talks can be a job in itself ;)

    @Pat...I need to stop talking to you! You're getting wayyyy too much dirt on me. LOL

    @Krysten...Thank you :)

  37. @Claire...You're lucky that you don't have to do that anymore ;)

    @L...LMAO Pasta on your face would NOT be a turn on. hahahaha Maybe I should make a number 11

    @Mike...LOL!!!! No, you can not use your collar!! Although a collar wipe would be better than a napkin dab. Erggg that IRKS me. LOL

    @June...Thank you so much for the compliments!! Floss is a GREAT idea!!!

    @Meggy...LOL Yes, you still gotta impress the hubby ;)

  38. @Betsy...That's a stereotype!!!!!! LMAO Ok, so maybe it's a little true...hahahahaha

    @Kim...LMAO Omg, really??? How RUDE?! You guys are giving me so much dirt to add to my list ;)

    @ThinkingCap...Thanks for the compliment!! The doggy bag thing is ok. I guess it's better than throwing out food. But then again, where are you going to keep it? I guess it depends on what you got, how much is left, and what your plans are for after the meal. As a female, I feel obligated to take it home. Wouldn't want to waste a man's money...LOL

  39. @Betsy...That's a stereotype!!!!!! LMAO Ok, so maybe it's a little true...hahahahaha

    @Kim...LMAO Omg, really??? How RUDE?! You guys are giving me so much dirt to add to my list ;)

    @ThinkingCap...Thanks for the compliment!! The doggy bag thing is ok. I guess it's better than throwing out food. But then again, where are you going to keep it? I guess it depends on what you got, how much is left, and what your plans are for after the meal. As a female, I feel obligated to take it home. Wouldn't want to waste a man's money...LOL

  40. I just avoid dinner. Mainly for the price. A meal for two at a decent serving would be 20 plus tip. I love my girlfriend but we dont go out as much as we used to

  41. I fast to avoid the inevitable disasters. You're always giving great advice. Thanks, Jax!

  42. @Adam...Well, avoiding it solves many problems too ;) lol



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