Dinner Date Disasters

This past weekend I spent 3 hours on the phone catching up with my girlfriend.

Oh please, don’t look so surprised!  We’re girls.  We like to yap…

I was real excited for her because that evening she was going on a hot date.

She was headed out to some fancy restaurant so she decided to pick my brain for advice.

After going through about 50 outfits, we decided what would be best for the occasion.

We even laid out some conversation starters to avoid any form of awkward silence.

She was feeling real good, when the blabber in me blurted something out.

Once again, we’re girls.  The blurting out is common for our species.

Dinner dates have the highest potential for mishaps.

Dinner dates are great for hearty conversation, but they also set the stage for a great disaster.

Being chatty girls, we thought of every potential disaster while nervously laughing at the possible outcomes.

No worries, Jax would never leave you in the dark!

Here are our guidelines on how to avoid dinner date disasters!

1.  Drinking.

Avoid over drinking.

That doesn’t just refer to the booze!

Some people get nervous and drink several glasses of water. 

Unless you want to spend the second half of your date in the lady’s room tinkling it out, stop yourself!

2.  Dinner Order

This is the most stressful part that could set the tone for the rest of the date!!

Order something too large and you seem like a wasteful pig.  Order the too little and you appear insecure.

I try to avoid finger foods and salads. I opt for something more practical like a pasta or chicken dish.

3.  Napkin Wipe

This one is for the men!

One of my biggest pet peeves is the way men wipe their face.

Do it too dainty and we’re turned off.  Do it too rough and you look like a caveman.  Find a happy medium!

4.  Teeth

I’m always petrified of something being stuck in my teeth.

I’m constantly looking into the blade of the knife to check.  Don’t do this.  You’ll get a weird look!

Try a more subtle approach like a quick peek into the reflection of your cell phone.

5.  Conversation

Remember that you about to eat and keep the conversation light!

Don’t go discussing your view on the Love Your Lady Bits documentary during the meal.

My girlfriend did that and he never called back.  Just sayin…

6.  Breath

Keep tic tacs, gum, and brush ups in your bag at all times.

Try to avoid stanky foods that can up the funk like garlic or curry.

Avoid buffalo sauce too.  I gag at the scent of that stuff.  Bleh!!

7.  Attire

Dress appropriately for the restaurant that you will be going to.

Try to wear something that has a little room to grow.  The worst is having to suck in your gut all night!

See why we prefer salads, men?!  That skin tight dress ain’t gonna be too comfortable after a steak!

8.  Feet

Keep your feet in your own personal space.

Someone that we all know and love insists on swinging his damn feet all dinner long!  Hello bruises!

9.  Dessert

If he looks anxious for dessert, don’t turn him down.  He probably wants to spend more time with you!

Offer to split something delicious, or compromise and order a yummy drink.

Besides, who can say no to a chocolate molten cake?  Yum!!

10.  Etiquette

Don’t talk with your mouth full.

If you don’t like something, suck it up and swallow.

Try not to spit out your food or drink over something really funny.

Bring a moist toilette in case you sneeze or cough.

Don’t grab food off your date’s plate without asking permission.

Avoid talking with your hands to prevent knocking something over.

I’m famous for that one!  I’m also famous for waving my fork around while talking and throwing food everywhere.

What do you do to avoid dinner date disasters?