Friday, March 30, 2012

The Power of An Eep

It's Friday morning and I'm still feeling the effects of my Thursday night high!
Do you watch The CW on Thursdays?  Well, you should!
Vampire Diaries and The Secret Circle are on FIRE.
Don't believe me?  Check out my two favorite characters...
You're welcome, ladies!  Happy Friday ;)

Just shake off the high.  It wears off.  Eventually...


During a very dramatic series of text messages, I responded to my friend with my famous line.
I said "eep"!
What does it mean to eep?
An eep can mean a million different things.
It could be happy, sad, mad, surprised, or just because you ran out of something to say!

Since it's Friday, I thought it would be fun to do a silly post.
Here's a list of things that make me eep!!

1.  The Pictures Above
Excuse me as I scroll up real quick...
Yup, they definitely make me eep.

2.  RussianHatMan
Every time this scary, large man that I work with says creepy things to me.
That's a whispered, I fear for my life eep.

3.  Spiders
Spiders, and probably large crickets, scare the ever loving crap out of me!!
Bug eeps are more like "eep, eep, eep, eep"!!!!!!!

4.  QueenBrittBritt
Hearing an old school Britney Spears song on the radio makes me real happy.
A Britt eep is more like a high pitched squeal.

5.  Braveheart
For the love of God, this movie is the most dreaded movie in the world of Jax!!!
This type of eep is long and deep.  Maybe it's more of a groan...

6.  Hawk
There is a hawk that stares me at like breakfast every morning from the top of my office building.
Eeps to a hawk are long and loud.  They scream, please don't peck my eyes out!!!

7.  Rain
Every time I spend hours doing my hair and then look out the window to see rain.
Rain drops make me eep, cry, then hide under an oversized hooded sweater.

8.  Messes
Walking into an untidy home is very unpleasant to my OCD.
That one's just a simple eep!

What makes you eep?
Have an amazing weekend!!!!
Thursday, March 29, 2012

A Happy Tale

After yesterdays depressing and dramatic tale about my beloved Omlette, I figured that I'd switch to a happier note.

Three years ago I had a pet snake named Captain Jack.
My snake was tiny and only ate pinkies.
For those who aren't aware, pinkies are frozen baby mice.
It was hard for me to feed my snake a frozen carcass, but I manned up and did the job.
One day, I realized that Captain Jack outgrew the tiny, frozen mice.
I had no choice but to do the deed I was dreading.
I had to feed Captain Jack an alive adult mouse.
As I bow my head in shame...

I went to Petco to purchase a surprisingly cute rodent for my snake to chow down on.
The clerk asked me to pick which mouse I would like to use as feed.
Sadistic much?  For the love of God, just grab one and don't let me see!
That's when she grabbed the most adorable black mouse.
I took a closer look and realized that the mouse only had one eye.
Great!  Just what I try to feed a one eyed creature to something!
I immediately fell in love.

I named that mouse Poo.
I kept him in a pimped out chinese food container and took him everywhere with me.
I bathed him.  I played with him.  I even built him a mouse play pen.
I gave that one eyed mouse the best damn life I possibly could!

Then came the day that I dropped the Chinese food container in my car.
Poo was let free.  He took advantage of the freedom and scurried under my dashboard.
After hours of trying, I couldn't catch him.
That's the thanks I get from saving him from being a reptile's meal!
He lived in my car for days!
As I would drive he would taunt me by brushing up against my feet and then running away!
I didn't want my poor little Poo to die, so I would leave cheese in the back seat for him.

After about a week, I gave up.  I realized my car was his new home.
TheLoveBug got a pet!!!!  Traitor...Stealing a pet has to be against girl code!
That's when I accidentally left an open water bottle in the cup holder.
The next morning I found Poo in the water bottle swimming for dear life!
God only knows how long my little baby was swimming away.

I immediately scooped him up and gave him the biggest mouse hug my hands could muster.
Jax and Poo lived happily ever after!

Now that yesterday we shared the sad...
What's one of your happiest pet stories?

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

The Stress of a Pet Fish

On Sunday, my "buddy" at work bought his son a pet goldfish.
After promising his son that he wouldn't eat his new pet without permission, they went home with two new fishies, a fish bowl, and some food.
Do people really eat pet goldfish?  Sigh...

On Monday, Buddy turned to me and desperately exclaimed "I forgot to feed the fish!  Do you think the fish will live?  It's my son's first pet."  I was pretty sure that a fish wouldn't die of starvation from only a few hours without food.  I assured him that all would be ok.
What do I know about fish?!  Clearly, not a thing...

On Tuesday, Buddy depressingly walked into his cubicle.  Before mumbling a good morning, he turned to me with his head bowed down in shame.  "My son's fish died.  He wasn't sad because I told him that his fish would get a viking's funeral and be flushed."
I was shocked.  I mean, it was only 8 hours behind it's feeding schedule!
I immediately questioned the fish's living arrangements.  It all seemed somewhat normal.
I'm no fish expert, but something clearly wasn't right here!

In attempt to make my grieving Buddy feel better about disappointing his son, I told him the story about my first pet.
My first pet was a goldfish that I named Omlette.  Omlette was a very good fish.  I loved him to bits.  A few days after adopting my new baby, 7 year old Jax took notice that her fish was swimming in it's own poo water.  My OCD didn't like that.  I quickly rescued my fish from the dangers of e-coli by scrubbing him down with soap and a q-tip.  Moments later, my dear Omlette was dead.  Omlette, too, lived out the fate of a viking's funeral down the bowl.

The moral of the story:  Don't take fish advice from Jax.
Did you ever have bad luck with a pet?
Tuesday, March 27, 2012

A Nineties Kid's Favorites

Saturday Brother came home from college.
We put on a movie that we loved as kids.
As The Lion King blared through my mother's home, Brother and I screamed sang along.
At the end of the opening number, I ran, leaped, and Brother raised me like baby Simba.
Ok, we're just a little weird...

After that run in with our childhood, we just sat around talking about the other things we loved.
We grew up in the nineties, so you can probably guess what my top ten favorites were!
Game on!  Keep score, but don't cheat!


1.  Spice Girls
I still love this band!  I straighten my hair to Wannabe and Spice World every morning.
All my g/fs and I used to play Spice Girls.  I would always be Ginger Spice!

2.  Furby
I remember the Christmas that I got my Furby.  I was so stinking happy over that little guy.
Dum dee dum da dee da doo....Furby owners will get that!  lol

3.  The Headless Knight
Did you ever see the Kenan and Kel movie called Two Heads are Better Than None?
This was Brother and I's favorite movie growing up.
We may have watched it about 1000 times and could probably reenact the move verbatim.
Thanks for the ketchup!!

4.  Oregon Trail
Brother and I spent hours, and I mean hours, playing this video game.
How mad did you get when your wagon overturned right towards the end of your journey!?

5.  Tamagotchi
I loved my little virtual pets like they were real.
That little egg shaped game was my favorite necklace for years!

6.  Guiding Light
Every night during dinner my family would eat and watch Guiding Light.
Yes, Madre created an 8 yr old and a 5 yr old that was addicted to a soap opera!
RIP Guiding Light

7.  Pokemon
I was addicted to the trading cards, the video game, and the TV show.
Sad part is, when I get the urge I still bust out my gameboy just to watch my Abra evolve.
Pathetic?  Ok, leave me

8.  Lisa Frank
I think that I owned every single thing that Lisa Frank ever put out.
I had the stationary, stickers, pencils, folders, and God knows what else!
I still eep every time I see Lisa Frank stuff.  What happened to her anyways?  She was so popular!

9.  Beanie Babies
Madre used to bribe Brother and I to go shopping by agreeing to stop at Noodle Kidoodle to get the latest Beanie Baby.  We used to line them up around the living room and play pet shop.
I would be the store owner and Brother would be the customer
I'm pretty sure that if we had time, we'd still play this today!

10.  Aaron Carter
Of course 11 year old Jax had a man to fawn over!!!

Growing up, my man was Aaron Carter.
Oh, I thought he was it.
...I saw him live for my 22nd birthday.  Let's just say that he's not the man he used to be!


So, that's it guys!
My top 10 favorite things from when I was a kid.
Were you able to guess them all?

What are your favorite childhood memories?
Monday, March 26, 2012

A Shoe Adventure & A Pedicure Party

The lovely Betsy from My Five Men was gracious enough to host a pedicure party!
I immediately responded yes!  Spring is around the corner and it's time to bust out the toes.
Besides, who doesn't like to get their toes did??

Luckily, I dished out the doe for an overpriced pedicure that my hibernating feet desperately needed.  My little piggies were screaming for a bright color to wiggle with!
Tutti Frutti is such a fun color to wear in the spring time!

The second I returned from my pomegranate spa pedicure, I slipped on my favorite sandals.
It would be a crime to hide my feet after such a great pedicure.

I bought these sandals in 2006.
They walked with me as I marched in line for my high school graduation.
They stayed under my feet as I ran through the sands of South Beach, Miami.
They even graced my feet as I climbed the steps of a castle in Sparta, Greece.
These sandals were also the finishing touch to my cleopatra costume last halloween.
And, now, they complimented my pedicure during Betsy's pedicure party!
Did I mention that these are my favorite sandals?

Thank you for hosting such a great party!
My toes and feet thank you for making sure that they were all set for the spring.
My sandals send thanks as well for pushing me into digging them out of the closet for more memories.

Do you have a shoe that can tell a story?

Friday, March 23, 2012

A Moment of Silence For Tebow

For my new readers, I am a huge football fan.
My team is the NE Patriots.
As much as I love my Pats, I hate the Jets.
I know, I know.  I'm an awful New Yorker.

While everyone knows that my man is Aaron Hernandez, I also really liked Tim Tebow.
He's innocent, sexy, and an option quarterback.
Basically, option qbs tend to eat the most dirt!  These boys aren't afraid to take a hit, but they are at a much higher risk of injury.  They are the manly QBs as opposed to the typical fairy.

I liked him so much that I even awarded him second place here.
I liked him so much that after the completion of his miraculous hail mary, that I tebowed!
I liked him so much that I even felt bad after my Brady schooled him in the play offs.

And how does Tim Tebow repay me for all that liking????
Tebow signs with the Jets.
Bleh, gag, barf!

Let's all take a moment of silence for this catastrophe.
Being a Jet, I don't think I can ever blog about him again!

Have an amazing weekend!!!
Thursday, March 22, 2012

What did you just say?!

The other day I'm walking with Sis through the back of a restaurant.
I stop because there was a sudden breeze hitting my face.
I turn to the right, and there was a rather large man staring me down.
His face was round and his mouth was in a familiar circular shape.
For the love of God, he was blowing on me.
Talk about hygiene dude?!?!?!
That's when Sis spoke up before I could.
She looked him dead in the eye and demanded an explanation.
He was blowing on me because I was steaming hot.
Gag me with a spoon...

This got me thinking about all the creepy, awkward, weird things that people think is ok to say!

1.  PiggyBack
So you're walking into your office building, when an older man behind you exclaims "I'm going to piggy back you."  You turn around real quick, and say "Excuse me?"  He replies saying, "That's a military term for opening the door."  
Ummm, anyone?  Has anyone heard of that 'code' before??

2.  Tickle
It's catches you off guard when your coworker sees a picture of your cousin and you with Elmo.  Without any explanation he looks at you and says, "Did you tickle him?"
You could have at least said Elmo at the end of that?!

3.  MILF
"Your mom is hot!!"
No!  Just, no!!

4.  Fascinating Tongue
It's real awkward when your manager gushes about the way your tongue moves as you speak.  It gets even more awkward when he points out the way you lick your lips!
I always lick my lips so they don't get dry!  It's not because of you...

5.  Thumb Wrestling
It's weird when the toothless man at the bar turns to challenge you to a thumb wrestle.
It's even weirder when you say yes...

6.  Drink
It's real strange when you're out at work event and your boss helps himself to a sip of your drink...from your straw!
This one didn't actually happen to me.  This one was all Peaches!  Poor girl...

7.  Crabs
What is someone thinking when they put a fake crab tattoo on their stomach before they hit the bar?  What I really want to know is, what were they thinking when they used it as a pick up line?!  "Hey pretty lady, I got crabs on my stomach!"
Bleh, gag, barf!

8.  Barking
It's extremely weird when ou're walking to the restroom when a group of maintenance men start barking.
Are you insinuating that I'm a dog, or are you insinuating that you are?

9.  St.PaddysDay
You're wearing a blue shirt under a gray sweater when a coworker compliments your blouse. Then he tells you how perfect your blue shirt would be for St. Patrick's day.  You remind him that it's blue when he says "let me see".  As you open up your sweater to flash your blouse you realize how dumb you just got played...

10.  Bite
It super awkward when your out with your girls and one of their friends takes the liberty of biting your shoulder.  "Did you just bite me?"  "Yea I did!"
Do you think I need a rabies shot?!

What awkward passes do people make at you?
Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Fate In a Palm

Quite a few weeks back, a guy at work was talking about something that he believes in.
This guy makes life decisions based upon the lines in his palms.

Being the obsessive freak that I am...
I taught myself what every little line on the palm of your hand could possibly mean.
Then I read my own future.
As it turns out one of my two life lines was very short.
...and then I bugged out.

Above are the basic lines that supposedly predict your future.
According to Chinese palm readers, the right hand is for a woman and the left is for a man.
According to American palm readers, the left hand is the future you were born with and the right hand is what you made of your future.
Thank God for my short life line being on the left.  I really would've panicked if it was on the right!

After learning that my palm halfway predicted a short life, I freaked out.
I started peaking at peoples hand's at everyone opportunity that I got!
Even my baby Godson tugged my pants and showed me his hands!!  It was adorable.
The more hands I read, the more convinced I became that it was a definite outline of my future.

Then, my grandmother showed me her hands.
My nanny does not believe in this mumbo jumbo, and refused to show me her hands originally.
As she showed me her hands, relief finally came to me.
According to my grandmother's life line, she should have died around the age of 20.
My nanny is almost 70 and is very much alive!
Thanks to a short line indented into my grandmother's palm, my brain was finally at peace.

That's when i broke up with the palm reading like a real nasty boyfriend.
I'll never look back again.
From this point forward, I make my own future.
Grooves in a palm was a very silly thing to get worried over.

Has a silly thing ever frightened you?  How'd you get over it?
Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Oh, the Guilt!

I have a confession...
You all know about my long and loyal relationship with Glamour magazine.
I go to Glamour when I'm sad, happy, or just bored.
Glamour's always there to give me the best advice and serve as a great distraction.
Here come's the confession...
I cheated on Glamour with Cosmopolitan magazine!!

It wasn't on purpose!!!
I was bored and already read all the Glamours that were out!!
I'm not a cheater, I swear!

Ok, so I know this is very silly, but I feel guilty for cheating on my magazine.

Tell me that's not a REAL guilty kitty?!

I always feel guilty when...

1.  Cookie
...I eat the last gingerbread cookie...
I know I should save at least one, but they're so yummy!

2.  Ignore
...I really don't want to speak to you so I pretend like you aren't there...
Hey, if I walk quick enough it's like I didn't even see you and that's totally not rude, right?!

3.  Late
...I tell people not to be late when I'm the latest person I know...
Ok, so I feel bad when I'm late too.  I'm working on that!

4.  The Love Bug
...People see me driving in The Love Bug...
Why does that make me feel guilty?  It's simple.  I have TheLoveBug and they don't!

5.  Cleaning
...I secretly clean your toilet bowl before I tinkle...
It's not that I think you're dirty, it's just that, I skeeve!  It's everyone.  Don't take it personal!

6.  Pasta
...I can't eat your pasta because it's not al dente...
I'm sorry, but Madre would slap me if I ate mushy pasta!!

7.  Isketch
...I accidentally reported you on Isketch and got you banned from the game for life...
I didn't mean to hit report, I swear!!

8.  Wiener Pooches
...My two little wiener pooches try to bite off your limbs...
Ok, so they're a little over protective!  But they are adorable!!

9.  Loud
...All you hear in a restaurant is my family's obnoxious conversation...
I know, we're unreasonably loud.  Sigh...

10.  Tap
...I tap uncontrollably at work...
All my coworkers hear is taps and then a bunch of loud giggles.  What they must think of me!

What silly things make you feel the guilt?

Monday, March 19, 2012

St. Patty's Memories

Happy Belated St. Patricks Day!!!
How was everyone's holiday?
Did you get boozed up to new heights?
Did you shove your face with delicious Irish goodies?
I celebrated with the latter.

My Nanny invited my entire family over to celebrate in the festivities.
She was on point with some yummy corn beef, sweet cabbage, potatoes, carrots, and Irish beer.  My uncle made some delicious Irish Soda bread and brought some real yummy pastries!
We even had green and white cookies as opposed to the typical black and whites.
Basically we ate until we almost popped.

My girlfriend was invited over to join in on our feast, but couldn't make it.  She did ask my grandfather a question that would keep her on the phone for hours.
"You're not Irish so why do you guys make such a big deal out of today?"
St. Patrick was Italian.  Duh!  The poor girl got a whole history lesson.
Irish, Italian, or whatever you are, it's a day to celebrate and indulge.
Just enjoy it and never ask questions!

We are older now, but Brother and I reminisced about St. Patty's day as a child.

We would wake up in our green pajamas and follow the cutout four leaf clover trail all the way to the kitchen.  There we would find green bagels and green eggs.  There were piles of green goodies brought to us by a leprechaun that came to visit us in the middle of the night.  I would open my cream cheese to see it dyed a very pretty green.  Brother would pour his milk into a glass that magically turned green as it hit the bottom of his cup.  Then we would dress in green from head to toe and don our infamous four leaf clover pins.
The Viking used to hide food coloring in the bottom of his glass.  So tricky!
This fun filled morning would be continued with a huge gathering at our Nanny's house.
We loved holidays back then even more than we do now.

How did you celebrate St. Patrick's day as a child?
Friday, March 16, 2012

I'm Free!

Thursday nights are officially filled with hot, sexy men all over again.
Here are some sizzling pictures to continue my high.  I like to come down slow... Yum!
Introducing Chris Zylka and Grey Damon from The Secret Circle.
And back for an outstanding performance, the lovely, Ian Somerhalder.
Pictured in that order...You're welcome ladies.  Happy Friday!


Guess what guys?!
We all already know that it's Friday!  Sigh...
I'm on Spring break starting today!
That means, after working over a 9 hour shift and being awake at 5am, I get to go home.
I don't need to lug my little butt to school to sit and listen to my professor yap about numbers.
I have a whole weeks worth of nights to do as I please.

The real question is...
What should I do with all that extra free time?

I could spend the time staring aimlessly at the TV while shoving my face with a few of my favorite things.  That would include mounds of chocolate, tubs of ice cream, and peanut butter straight from the jar!

I could go back to The Melting Pot for some yummy fondue, my favorite fruity cocktail, and to eye down scruffy men from a distance.  I just want to look!  No worries, I'm still on that mancation!

I could dress up as an ewok and take a stroll around Manhattan.  Ferraras is one of my all time favorite places to go for a delicious cappuccino, amazing canoli, and a shot of lemoncello.

I could spend some much needed quality time with my really good looking family.  Aww look at the little baby boy...I think we scared him...  Ok, fine, we don't really look like this.

Or, I could always pretend I'm in Paris (oui oui) while talking to Biff who's at Niagra Falls. A few extra hours doesn't leave enough time for me to actually hit up Europe.  Bummer.

What are your exciting plans for Spring break?
Have an amazing weekend!!
Thursday, March 15, 2012

Beware of The Hair

Today I want to bring up something that’s super important to almost everyone.
Today I want to talk about hair.
Don’t give me that look men!  I know you guys have to look in the mirror too!

Hair is the one defining factor that can determine how someone’s day goes.
A bad hair day is the equivalent to a giant coming along and smashing your house!
Unless someone was in the house at the time…then the giant situation is clearly worse.

I wake up every morning before work at an ungodly hour.
I do this to make sure that I can transform my natural mess into an ironed order.
 This is not an easy task.
Imagine you spent 6 hours putting together a card house.  Then a gust of wind comes along and knocks the entire thing down.  Wouldn’t you consider that a severe waste of your time?  Wouldn’t you get even the slightest bit upset?
That is the equivalent of a bad hair day.

Let me show you what I mean!
One of these is really my natural hair.  Can you guess which hot mess it is??

Humidity turns my hair into this and makes me want to cry.

Hair like this makes me very late for work.

Dry hair days like this make me want to stand in a garden to scare away crows.

When my hair turns out like this I get shunned by outsiders for fear that I’m Medusa.

When I let my hair air dry product free, I feel a sudden urge to stand under a disco ball and boogie on down in a pair of bell bottoms.

Moral of the story is, my hair drives my perfectionist self off the damn wall.
Give me a bad hair day and everything is thrown off in my wannabe perfect world.
I just want to cuddle under my snuggie in the privacy of my home and close all the blinds.

On average, ladies experience this trauma 3 days a week.
For the love of God, I may need to be committed…

How do you deal with bad hair days?