I say, I say, I say!

Happy Monday!!!  I know that everyone hates Mondays, but I personally love them.  I'm all rested from the weekend and ready to start a whole new week.  It's when Wednesday or Thursday comes around that I'll be dragging my feet.  Thank God for Revenge, VD, and TSC!!! 

anddd onto today's post... There are certain things you should never say in professional company. Being the chatterbox that I am, my manager relies on me to break the ice during awkward business luncheons, meetings, etc.  Apparently, my "discussions" are humorous and animated enough to brighten any work event.  Hey, I didn't get the nickname Little Ms. Fun for no reason ;)  Plus, I hate awkward silences. 

While I'm normally good at this whole entertaining thing talking about TV shows, travel, and who knows what else, sometimes I slip up.  The pressure of entertaining large groups of professional, Japanese men can be VERY intimidating.  Yes, even for me!  So the next time you're in this situation, make sure to stay far away from these conversation starters...

1.  Humanzee.  Two weeks ago during a luncheon, I found 10 coworkers sitting at a table in very awkward silence.  I reached and grabbed at every corner of my brain for something to talk about.  All that came out was "Did you ever hear about Humanzee?"  Even I surprised myself at what came out of my mouth.  Sigh...Lucky for me they didn't and we got a 15 minutes convo out of it!

2.  Milk.  Going on a rant about how discusting you find milk is never a good idea either.  The look on everyone's face when I started the whole "Humans are the only spieces that goes out of their way to drink another mammal's milk.  You don't see a goat sucking on a cow utter."  Their faces were priceless!

3.  Leprosy.  As you all now know, I'm a hypocondriac.  I recently read an article about controlled diseases and their symptons.  During a meeting I exclaimed "I think I have leprosy".  Well, my toe really was numb!!!!!!

4.  Leaf.  When I worked for the washer company (You know, the little round things with a hole in the middle...), I had to call in late.  When my manager asked me why I blurted out "I tripped on a leaf". Ok, so maybe I just slipped on it, but either way I went down and scuffed my pants!  I never lived that one down...

5.  Serial Killer Plan.  I have a very active, wild imagination.  Pair that with a fear of serial killers and you get all sorts of crazy.  Every place I work I make a plan of what to do if a serial killer walks through the doors.  For the love of God, whatever you do, DON'T tell people about this.  For those of you who are curious, I would dive in RussianHatMan's cubicle and hide while he wards off the intruder with his Avatar figurines that are conveniently accessible at the top of his cubicle.

6.  Hawk.  Don't walk into the office all flustered screaming that a hawk just attacked you.  They will call the building's security, and you will have to submit a report.  Listen, that hawk was sitting there all perched like he was going to scoop me up, fly away, and then eat me for breakfast!!!!!  To make matter worse, a co-worker witnessed me go into a full fledged sprint into the front doors while screaming help.  Sigh...

What are you work talking flubs?

-Jax