Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Awkward Turtle...


You know...when you lock your hands together, wiggle your fingers around, and exclaim loudly in a silly voice "awkward turtle".  Pshhhh, everyone does that!!  Want to know about awkward?  Yesterday, my 48 year old mechanic asked my father for permission to take me out.  For those of you who are new, I'm 23.  That's a stinking 25 year age difference.  Awkward much??  I think so!!  My dad, TheViking, immediately threatened the mechanic's life and vowed to hang him on the wall next to his prized elk if he ever again even though about it.  andd buh bye creeper!!

This awkward situation led to an awkward talk about awkardness.  According to spell check "awkardness" isn't a word.  Humor me people!!  What did TheViking and I talk about?  I'll tell you...and yes, it's all true...

It's always awkward when...

...you're boyfriend finds out that your best friend, Biff, called him a meat sack.  It's even more awkward when your boyfriend cried about it...

...your VW Beetle slams into the back of a mini van...
Love bug to Mini van:  ROOOARRRR

...your manager catches you popping a mint and then asks for one.  Try explaining to your boss why you have penis shaped peckermints...

...you realize that your window and the person next to you's window is open while you're in the midst of a Mariah Carey solo at a red light...

...your grandfather calls you to remove the picture of your dildo off of Facebook...
For the record, it wasn't a dildo.  It was a sock on a curling iron.  DIY:  If you're on a road trip and your socks get wet, this dries them up real quick!  lol

...your born again Christian uncle comes over and sees your Adam Lambert clock.  Then he asks you what it is...

...you're in the middle of a loud rant calling out pastrami for all of its grossness.  Then your CEO walks by with a pastrami sandwhich and the stink eye...

...your ex-boyfriend sends you a naughty text message while your father is playing with your phone...

...your friend drunk dials your mother.  Then she calls you back the next day asking what a cack block is...

...you drop your bag in front of a real hottie and a tampon rolls out.  Then the hottie picks it up for you...

...you write gutten tag next to your name on the guest book at a bat mizpha...
Gutten Tag is similiar to Mozel Tov, right?  Right?!

Now that you know some of my most embarassing and awkward moments, I'm going to put my head down and walk out slowly.  Besides, I have a pampered chef party that I need to attend with one of my favorite aunts.  I'm on a hunt for new cupcake trays!! 

What are your awkward moments?????



  1. Oh, you already know all of mine!!
    Okay, almost all. But still.

    The tampon rolling out of the purse is bru-tal. That right there is just as bad as going up and buying tampons in front of a hot checker. That little smirk they give you as you're being rung....wow. Nothing as unlulzy as that.

  2. On the first date with my now boyfriend, we didn't kiss or hug goodbye. I had to literally stop myself from saying out loud, "Awwwwwkward" 'cause the moment was so palpably uncomfortable. I have no shame so I emailed him immediately and said, "If this is just going friend zone I'm cool with that. But if you were to try and kiss me I wouldn't punch you or anything." I'm hella classy.

  3. Hahha, is it awkward that I don't think the mechanic asking you out is awkward? Because Boyfriend is twice my ageish?? Okay okay, I get its gross for most people.

  4. :) I loved your awkward moments. Can't top 'em...so I won't try, but I've certainly had my share. Walk out with your head held high. I mean the curling iron dildo was really funny *wink*

  5. oh gosh asking to your dad's permission is really awkward!!!!

  6. Bahahaha. Peckermints!!! If I had some, I'd offer them to everyone!

  7. LOL Jax! None of mine come even close. HaHaHa Too hilarious! I'm blushing for you. :D That mechanic needs to pick on someone his own age. LOL

  8. hahaha never knew you were so dirty, those peckermints sure might make some pucker up and dildo socks, with such devil clocks. You really have awkward down..LOL

  9. Whew, Jax. I'm only 46. Game On!!

  10. So did you say yes to the date with the mechanic? Just kidding - haaa haa! I am the queen of awkward moments.

  11. The mints- ahhhh I loved it!! I have awkward moments all the time so they all sort of roll off my back without me even thinking twice. My whole life is awkward!

  12. hahaha the solo one happened to me too xD is was so awkward at the beginning but at the end it was so funny..


  13. Haha! You totally should have gone out with him. Free oil changes for lifeee! :)

  14. hahhah, I think the Guten Tag story is my favorite out of all of those colorful ones. That is hilarious.

    And I try not to get too embarrassed by tampon things anymore, I mean really- we all use them.

    And that is hilarious about the curling iron, hahahah. I would have died.

    And yes, why would the 48 year old think he has a shot with you especially after asking your Dad! The mind boggles.

  15. Bahahahahaha! Holy smokes girl, are ya trying to kill me with all these?

    I'm bookmarking this for when I need another silent outburst of giggles...

    Penis shaped peppermints, where on earth did you find those... thinking great hen party mini gift!

    I've had so many awkward moments in life, that there could be a book, but for now, i'll savour yours!

  16. I always wondered what awkward turtle means! I remember a girl I met on holiday started doing it and I didn't have a clue what she was doing haha! I guess that is an awkward moment for me being unaware haha

  17. The mint one is the best - yikes!

  18. I am absolutely cracking up from a few of these! Oh awkward turtle.

  19. HAHA,

    I LOOOOVED this! :)

  20. Hilarious post! I cannot believe that the mechanic would ask your FATHER. What did he think was going to happen?!

  21. Totally awkward moment asking your dad, but loving The Viking & his way of thinking, reminds me of my dad :)

  22. Last week I was washing all of my bras when matienence came by my apt. I scooped up my dog so we wouldn't attack the workers (didn't know they were coming) and my dog, scrambling to get out of my arms, kicked up my shirt. I totally gave them a half-boob flash. And it wasn't even my best boob! I stayed in the bathroom the entire time they were there. I'm still in there, Jk.

  23. guten tag means hi in german i think and mozel tov means good luck in hebrew so they are fastly different sis lol

  24. so the born again christian uncle has no problem with the sock dildo?:)


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