Monday, December 12, 2011

The Vertical Challenge

Lately I have been getting some serious crap for being short!  Ok, let’s get it straight.  I’m not miniature.  I’m not “little one”.  And I’m certainly not pocket sized!!  If you’re going to go that route, at least give me FUN sized... Standing at 5’1/2”, I am petite.  My dad, TheViking, swears that my height qualifies me as a legal midget in the state of NY. He says that I should submit my stats to DMV and get a handicap sticker.  Really?  Only a Viking would say that to their daughter… 

I think it’s time for us petite women to unite and rebel.  Despite being mistaken as 12 year olds, having our heads smashed into your guts during a hug, and having to spend extra money on getting everything hemmed, being short is amazing!  There are so many pluses to being petite.  Here are a few.  Warning:  Anyone taller than 5’4 might get jealous of all these perks.

The glorious cycle of a petite woman.

1. Innocent:  I could commit almost any crime that my little head desires.  All I have to do is look you in the eye and deny the mischief.  Aside from my evil smirk, all that you’ll see is a little, innocent girl.  Not that I ever use this to my advantage…It’s all hypothetical of course!

I crashed into a mini van once.  I did cause some minor damage to the back of this unexpecting woman’s vehicle.  I immediately pulled over and got out of the car.  The once irate woman instantly turned into a worried mother once she saw the little girl get out of the car.  Little did she know I was texting and driving!  I then overheard her on the phone with her husband.  She was saying how a little girl hit the back of her minivan.  She then told her hubby that she felt awful because the girl must’ve just got her license.  They decided to take care of the minor damages.  Good thing she didn’t check my license, because I was really 22.  I’d like to see a 6 foot tall man get out of that one!

2. The Nook:  A nook is any little space that you want to just cuddle into and hang out in for a while.  I love the little nook at the end of the sofa where the arm meets the cushion.  Nooks could be found anywhere!  And guess what?!  Us petite women can snuggle up and relax in any damn nook that we darn well please!  Why?!  Because we fit!  That’s why!

3. Heels:  You know those super hot 5” heels with a 2” platform?  Well, we could rock those and be comfortable!  My one girlfriend likes to tease about how short I am, but she gets super jealous when she sees the hot shoes I could wear.  If she tried to wear them she would tower over her man and he might not be too happy about that.  Since us petites are so tiny, we rock heels the way that you rock sneakers.  I’d race you up a flight of stairs in stiletto heels and win!

4. Choice of Men:  We could pick tall men, short men, or average height men.  It doesn’t matter because we are so tiny that any man is ok with our height.  Believe it or not, tall men usually like short girls.  I’m not talking like 6’, I’m talking like 6’4.  All of my past boyfriends have been over 6’2!  The Swede tried to explain why they like us short, but I didn’t quite grasp the message in his broken English.

5. 6 Flags Excuse:  Would you like to ride Medusa with me?  No thank you.  Not because I’m scared or anything.  You see, I just don’t reach the height requirement.  Medusa is a ridiculously scary large roller coaster in a local theme park.

6. Love Bug:  We get to drive super cute cars like TheLoveBug and Mini Coopers.  Not only can we drive them, but we look good doing so!  A tall person just looks really awkward in those little cars.  The Maintenance Man drove TheLoveBug once.  He’s 6’4.  Ridiculous wasn’t even the word to describe that.  Hahaha

7. Front Row Courtesy:  If you are under 5’4, you automatically get to be in the front row of everything.  In every photo you will be the shining star standing right in the front.  At a show the courteous person should block the view of someone else because of your petite size.  You catch my drift.  There will no abstractions in my vision during a Robert Downey Jr. Flick!

8. Cute.  Do you really need an explanation for this one?  We’re just pretty freaking cute!  That brings us back to #1…

There you have it!  8 really great reasons of why we love being short!  The next time that you want to poke fun at the short girl/guy, take a look back at this vicious cycle and remember all of the things that you are missing out on.  Meanwhile, help a girl out!  Grab that thing on the top shelf for us.  Change our light bulbs so we don’t need to climb on a chair, to get on the table, to reach that damn lamp!  Maybe even defend us in a fight so we don’t get sat on and squished.  There’s no reason why short and tall people can’t live together in perfect harmony.  Let’s ban together and fight for that perfect world where the Napoleon complex is a thing of the past!



  1. I'm pretty short too, about 5'2". Now that I'm getting (ahem) middle aged, the height thing is a blessing. For one thing, we look younger than people who are taller. And get this--short people *maybe* live longer than tall people!

  2. I am almost 5'8 and not so small for an Asian girl. That being said, my feet and hands were built for a smaller person. I don't think my body knew I was supposed to stop and just kept going

  3. hahaha another damn texting and driving person, geez. That is so true though, no 6 foot guy can get away with that. There are lots of perks to being short, come to think of it almost all the women I've dated have been pretty short too, guess there is something to guys wanting them short. Never really clued in to that until now. Also the "live longer" one is true too, barring unusual circumstances and such. Because your body has less mass to look after, or so I've read.

  4. Oh but that isn't going to stop me from poking fun, nothing can do that..hahaha

  5. HAHA that is really funny. I have no doubt in my mind that petite girls use this to their advantage, no doubt at all. my Cousin is your height and she seems to hint at the same "gains". Love the minivan story, that is really funny.

  6. HAHAHA I love this! I'm on the opposite side of the spectrum, standing at 6 feet. LOL Everything you said is so true! It definitely beats the tall girl list. PLUS, you guys have the best pick in SHOES. It's hard finding cute with long feet. LOL Another funny post girl! LOVE IT!

  7. dear i'm also petite like you. i'm 5'3 and my husband is 6'3.. imagine how i feel small everytime we're togther.. but the beauty of this is that i always feel young and :)
    xoxo, Haus of Gala

  8. This blog made me smile. I've always considered myself average heightf for a girl. I'm 5'6.5" to be exact (hey, the .5 is important!). All my boyfriends (with the exception of one) has been 6 foot or taller. Actually, the guy I dated right before my husband was 6'8! He seriously towered over me! I see nothing wrong with being shorter than others. Oh, and lucky you! You got away with hitting that lady! What a great excuse for being petite.

  9. I love it LMF. Be genuine and assume the others are all just jealous little men/women.

  10. hahaha love these things you came up with, it's true! we can wear 6 inch heels and still be shorter than most dudes :D

  11. I love this. I am 5 foot 1/2 inch too. I totally agree with all of it.

  12. I'm with you on this one. I barely qualify since I'm 5.4 but it still works out to my advantage. My girl is 5.3 and so is my sister. We rock the tiny.

  13. I'm totally with you- I absolutely love being a shorty :)

  14. my best-friend is maybe 4'11" so she definitely gets this.

  15. I agree!! I'm 5'1" and I love it! And all my boyfriends have been over 6'2" too!

  16. LMAO!!! My favorte post xD This is awesome hahaha. there was this one time when I was younger (and much, much shorter) I went up to a police officer at the airport and whispered "theres a bomb in my dog" (I was carrying a stuffed puppy.)just to see the look on his face.

    Okay, not the smartest thing to do...but at least I got off! I was twelve but I looked like I was six. And six year olds don't lie!! *snickers*

  17. I’m 5'1 and it’s great being petite. Some men love my smallness and I’ve been told many times that good things come in small packages. But the weirdest thing a man ever said to me was that he thought I was so cute, he wanted to pick me up and put me in his pocket!! Well, what can I say about that…… The only bad thing about my height is trying to get trousers or jeans that fit because they're usually too long. So I have to hunt around for a store that sells petite sizes.

    I love tall guys and most of my ex’s were tall. For some strange reason, being with a tall man makes me feel secure.


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