Time to Reel 'Em In!!!

Since I have been on an online dating site for a little over a month now, I feel that I can legitimately state an opinion.  I hate online dating.  I’ve heard many success stories and am very happy for my friends and family that have found their mate on a website.  The lovely Peaches, TheViking, and TheBigCheese are all great examples of online dating successes!  I’ve also heard many horror stories.  The Gladiator and his 3-1/2 foot tall “match” ring a bell to anyone?  While I’ve experienced neither a horror nor a success, I think it’s time.  It’s time for this little fishy to reel her line out of the internet pool and go fishing elsewhere.  Where?  I have no clue…but I do know that it will be in different waters...

Now I wouldn’t be Ms. Fun if I didn’t give you a whole list of reasons why I hate online dating.  Voila!  (During dinner the other night, I let my brother in on a secret.  I think “Voila!” would be a great name for a little girl.  He didn’t agree.)

1.  Overwhelming.  Ever go to the park to feed the ducks?  You start with one or two little ducks who appreciate what you’re doing.  A slice of bread later and you’re suddenly ambushed with mean geese that are hissing for a bite of bread.  Horrible...

2.  Bullies.  In the online dating world there is no such thing as shy.  Those cute, shy boys have huevos that hit the floor.  They are not only pushy, but they are mean when rejected nicely.  Funny what people say while hiding behind their computer…

3.  Mirage.  Very few people actually look like their picture.  Some people post a picture of them 50 pounds lighter.  Others post pictures from years back when they had a full head of hair.  Someone even posted pictures of their friend!!  …Nothing is as it seems!!  I know looks aren’t everything, but if you feel the need to try and trick people, you’re not worth my time.

4.  Status.  Many of the men on these websites are actually married.  Don’t give me that look of disbelief!!  It’s true!!  There is no way of finding out the actual status of these people.

5.  Liars.  Forget about deceitful pictures or possible wives.  Some people make up an entire fantasy life.  You may think that you’re dating a successful lawyer from a great family with a beautiful French Poodle.  In reality, you may be dating the neighborhood ice cream man that has nothing living in his apartment other then the mold growing on the ceiling…  Bleh!  I cringe just at the word MOLD!

6.  Safety.  No matter what safety precautions you execute, there is always going to be a risk with this.  You don’t really know who you are meeting in person.  I could text my family this person’s information as much as I want, nothing’s going to stop a serial killer.  Just sayin…

7.  Phone Number.  Another problem is EVERYONE wants your phone number!!  The last thing that I need is a bunch of random people calling me.  I’d prefer to get to know you on the website first.  Then maybe graduate to Facebook or e-mail.  If you’re still around, maybe then you can get the digits.  Try and tell the little fishies that one.  They’ll harass you for a little while, call you a few names, and then swim away like a shark’s on their ass.

8.  The Big Question.  There is one huge question that usually sums it all up.  Why are you on an online dating website?  Maybe you’re too busy to go out.  Maybe all of your friends are married making you the awkward fifth wheel.  Maybe you’re just too shy to approach people in person.  Whatever the reason, I need to know why!!  MYOB?  Hell no…they could also be on there because they smell like rotten cheese, because they are tied up with a real girlfriend, or because they are on the pedophile list!!  The problem is, it’s too easy to meet people online.  Get to know the fishes in this sea and you’ll know what I mean.

Are you going to try online dating?

I don’t want to discourage anyone from trying online dating.  It’s not for everyone, but it’s definitely for some.  I’m all for trying anything once.  Throw your line out there.  If you don’t like who nibbles, reel it in and move on to the next spot.  Still not happy?  Try changing your bait!  You’re bound to catch a whole new type of fish then.

Oh, and I know you’re all dying to know what happened with TheBlowFish!  He’s still around, but there’s no “spark”.  Like I said, I’ll keep fishing!

-LMF