Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Time to Reel 'Em In!!!

Since I have been on an online dating site for a little over a month now, I feel that I can legitimately state an opinion.  I hate online dating.  I’ve heard many success stories and am very happy for my friends and family that have found their mate on a website.  The lovely Peaches, TheViking, and TheBigCheese are all great examples of online dating successes!  I’ve also heard many horror stories.  The Gladiator and his 3-1/2 foot tall “match” ring a bell to anyone?  While I’ve experienced neither a horror nor a success, I think it’s time.  It’s time for this little fishy to reel her line out of the internet pool and go fishing elsewhere.  Where?  I have no clue…but I do know that it will be in different waters...

Now I wouldn’t be Ms. Fun if I didn’t give you a whole list of reasons why I hate online dating.  Voila!  (During dinner the other night, I let my brother in on a secret.  I think “Voila!” would be a great name for a little girl.  He didn’t agree.)

1.  Overwhelming.  Ever go to the park to feed the ducks?  You start with one or two little ducks who appreciate what you’re doing.  A slice of bread later and you’re suddenly ambushed with mean geese that are hissing for a bite of bread.  Horrible...

2.  Bullies.  In the online dating world there is no such thing as shy.  Those cute, shy boys have huevos that hit the floor.  They are not only pushy, but they are mean when rejected nicely.  Funny what people say while hiding behind their computer…

3.  Mirage.  Very few people actually look like their picture.  Some people post a picture of them 50 pounds lighter.  Others post pictures from years back when they had a full head of hair.  Someone even posted pictures of their friend!!  …Nothing is as it seems!!  I know looks aren’t everything, but if you feel the need to try and trick people, you’re not worth my time.

4.  Status.  Many of the men on these websites are actually married.  Don’t give me that look of disbelief!!  It’s true!!  There is no way of finding out the actual status of these people.

5.  Liars.  Forget about deceitful pictures or possible wives.  Some people make up an entire fantasy life.  You may think that you’re dating a successful lawyer from a great family with a beautiful French Poodle.  In reality, you may be dating the neighborhood ice cream man that has nothing living in his apartment other then the mold growing on the ceiling…  Bleh!  I cringe just at the word MOLD!

6.  Safety.  No matter what safety precautions you execute, there is always going to be a risk with this.  You don’t really know who you are meeting in person.  I could text my family this person’s information as much as I want, nothing’s going to stop a serial killer.  Just sayin…

7.  Phone Number.  Another problem is EVERYONE wants your phone number!!  The last thing that I need is a bunch of random people calling me.  I’d prefer to get to know you on the website first.  Then maybe graduate to Facebook or e-mail.  If you’re still around, maybe then you can get the digits.  Try and tell the little fishies that one.  They’ll harass you for a little while, call you a few names, and then swim away like a shark’s on their ass.

8.  The Big Question.  There is one huge question that usually sums it all up.  Why are you on an online dating website?  Maybe you’re too busy to go out.  Maybe all of your friends are married making you the awkward fifth wheel.  Maybe you’re just too shy to approach people in person.  Whatever the reason, I need to know why!!  MYOB?  Hell no…they could also be on there because they smell like rotten cheese, because they are tied up with a real girlfriend, or because they are on the pedophile list!!  The problem is, it’s too easy to meet people online.  Get to know the fishes in this sea and you’ll know what I mean.

Are you going to try online dating?

I don’t want to discourage anyone from trying online dating.  It’s not for everyone, but it’s definitely for some.  I’m all for trying anything once.  Throw your line out there.  If you don’t like who nibbles, reel it in and move on to the next spot.  Still not happy?  Try changing your bait!  You’re bound to catch a whole new type of fish then.

Oh, and I know you’re all dying to know what happened with TheBlowFish!  He’s still around, but there’s no “spark”.  Like I said, I’ll keep fishing!



  1. I actually met my husband online. He was the first one I met after some minor interactions (which means people who want to cyber, ew!) with some other losers.

    And 7 years later, it's all still workin out. But for nothing else, people should try online dating just to have a funny story to tell their friends.

    And there is a way you can dig up people. It's called online criminal databases. Every single state has one, provided a person is giving you a real name and all that jazz.

    Great post today, LMF.

  2. There are definitely some strange people out there in the online dating world. I met some very weird ones, too, but luckily I met my husband, and so far he's proven to be pretty normal...

    I have no doubt that there are married people on the websites. Some men/women just can't get enough!

  3. it is hard to know true people online, i know many stories.. good and bad.. but i just believe that if its the right person for you you'll find it :)
    xoxo, Haus of Gala

  4. Online dating is so popular now though, works for some and not others. I guess its the risk you take to meet new people!

    Hope you had a great holiday!

    Come check out my blog for a review of Sharp Hill Designs ;)

  5. i've been trying to convince my friend to try online dating because there aren't a lot of places to dip your line in around here, but she's shy and i certainly don't want her to be overwhelmed by crazies!

  6. Ugggg I totally agree that it is a huge pile of crap. But then again plenty of fun tales to tell with it, now. They sure as heck weren't fun at the time. Most people on there are just plain scary. I think my hook must be bent of something and only the nuts are able to latch on, the rest seem to slip off..haha

  7. You are not kidding! I caught my NOw EX on an online dating thing. I was a little PO'd if you can imagine that.
    Be careful out there girly! There are a lot of freaks online dang doodly :)

  8. Re: "Voila!" My grandma's name was Viola. Just saying, pretty close...

  9. You are hysterical! I applaud you for being so honest about online dating - I don't think there's as much of a stigma attached with it anymore, but I know some of my friends who have tried it refuse to tell people how they met their boyfriend/girlfriend.
    I haven't tried it yet, and all your points are basically my reason why I haven't dipped my feet in the pool yet.
    You're such a gorgeous person - I'm sure you'll find someone, whether online or in person :) Great post, dear! xo

  10. Have you tried eharmony? I think it's a little less shady than the free ones. But if you're 100% over it, I know two people who met their signifs at the gym. Good luck!!

  11. hey! hope you had a nice christmas! :)

    i've heard a lot of nice things about people who's joined online services... and i know two people who actually got married. can't believe a lot of those men are married! i am sure there's a lot of horros stories behind it also.... i do believe in your motto though, trying everything once. :)

    wishing you a happy new year!

  12. I've had some good and bad experience online. I met my husband (now ex) online and he did have some baggage meaning he was married so i totaly agree with the fact people come up with a complete second life online. I've given up on men in general. I don't think I'll ever meet the guy who I'm meant to be with.

  13. oooh no. not for me. i know plenty who've had great successes, but not this ole gal. and i totally had something else to say but have forgotten it. it was totally witty, i swear.

  14. merry late christmas first off!!

    i have never tried online dating and i dont think i ever would. theres just too many creepers out there... the worst part is not being able to see them. at least when u meet a guy at a bar or starbucks you can see him and get his vibe. online is soooo different. though my mom online dates and she's been sorta successful... none of them are creepers lol

  15. Oh gosh, doesn't sound fun, I know lots of success stories, but AI know there are an equal amount of horror stories. I met my husband at work. Do you work with any cute boys?


  16. I think online dating is a touch and go, case by case type-a-thing. I think if you can weed out all the liars and oddballs then you could REALLY find Mr. Perfect on there- but it can be time consuming... Id say keep it up, if for nothing else for giggles.

  17. i so agree! even though we all know people hide behind their fantasies on the internet yet more and more turn to such websites:/
    great post like always! keep it up xx

  18. sorry but i have to agree with your brother on the "voila! thing! lol
    as for online dating, i think the worst thing is the 'mirage' item! i wouldnt even try it...

  19. I've had some good and bad practical knowledge on the internet. I met my man (now ex) on the internet and he did have some luggage significance he was committed so i totaly recognize with the truth people come up with a comprehensive second life on the internet. I've given up on men in common. I don't think I'll ever connect with the guy who I'm used to be with.

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