How to Knock the Scrooge out!

Happy Tuesday everyone!!  I’m not sure if that’s something to be happy about, but we got through Monday alright!  Haha  Tonight is the company’s holiday party.  All my coworkers and I meet up in some fancy reception hall where we eat, drink, and have raffles at the company’s expense.  It’s a great time!  As long as we remember that our managers are sitting next to us and that the CEO is within ear shot of our conversations, everything should go great.  I always look forward to work parties.  It’s a great environment to get loose with the people that you see more than your family.  How pathetic is that?  I spend more time trying to understand Japanese than I do Sicilian.  Sigh…

Despite the obvious language barrier, we do have a great time together at work.  The people I work for are great.  They give us plenty of breaks, supply us with unlimited green tea, and never look over our shoulder.  The Japanese also work very hard at trying to understand our customs.  Watching my friend, TheAssistant, try and explain Rudolph to a Japanese manager was something that should have been caught on video!  Since I have been with this company long enough, I can pick out the Scrooges among us.  The Scrooges are the coworkers that I guarantee will bring down the party just a little bit.  They make everyone uncomfortable and are never happy no matter what perks they receive.  So here’s my question:  How do you de-Scrooge someone?

1.  Mistletoe.  No one can be grumpy under the magic of the mistletoe!  Hang some hidden mistletoe and hope that your Scrooge ventures under it.  When they least expect it, run up to them and give them a big smooch on the cheek.  Unless you’re less than 5’1, then you’ll have to jump up a little and things might get a little awkward…

2.  Dominic The Donkey.  Play that infamous Christmas song about the Italian Christmas donkey.  Grab your Scrooge by the arm and start doing a little jig.  If a little jig to an Italian song doesn’t but a smile on your Scrooge’s face, you might be in trouble!

3.  Useful.  Give your Scrooge something useful to do.  Make them in charge of handing out cups, keeping the bathroom in check, or the music.  If you keep the Scrooge busy with something else, maybe they’ll forget how miserable they are!  Or maybe it will keep them distracted from bringing down others…

4.  The Grinch.  Keep a Grinch reference handy.  Maybe put up a Grinch decoration or have the movie playing nonchalantly in the background on mute.  During the perfect opportunity and in the friendliest voice you could muster up, exclaim loudly how your Scrooge is the Grinch of the party.  This will either get them mad enough to leave, or will force them to lighten up.

5.  Santa Claus.  Bribe someone to show up as Santa Claus.  Then force the Scrooge to sit on their lap and stay for a photo shoot!  Black mail for future Scrooge events?  You’re welcome!

6.  Chocolate.  Keep plenty of chocolate handy.  If you see your Scrooge with empty hands, shove something chocolate in there.  It could be hot chocolate, chocolate cake, or a Hershey’s kiss!  Chocolate heals all!

7.  Gift.  Sometime during the middle of the party, surprise your Scrooge with a small, thoughtful gift.  This will make them feel special and hopefully put a damper on their miserable energy.  I’m not talking anything spectacular!  A holiday Pez dispenser will work.  Cute, thoughtful, and it will give them something to play with.

8.  Flirt.  Assign one of your friends to be the flirt of the evening.  When your Scrooge makes eye contact, have your friend deliver a casual wink or nod.  Who doesn’t get all giddy like a little school girl when they get their flirt on??

9.  Look Alive. Nicely point out that the Scrooge looks like the walking dead.  Offer some quick advice on how to look presentable.  Maybe they could wipe the white, nasty crust from the corner of their mouth and…I don’t know…maybe, SMILE!  Just sayin…

10.  Booze.  When all of your de-Scroogeing options are exhausted, just booze them up.  Unless of course your Scrooge is just an even angrier drunk, then you’re just screwed.  May I suggest Pinnacle’s Whip Cream Vodka?  It’s so delicious that even your Scrooge can’t deny a few shots of it.

Could you tell that I had a coworker in mind as I wrote this out?  Oh well, that coworker will not Scrooge me tonight!

Or she might just have a smooch giving, jig dancing, and drink forcing little girl on her hands!

So, How do you get the Scrooge out of someone?

-LMF