Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Thattt Thinggg, Thatt Thinggg

Remember when Lauryn Hill (Love her!)took over the radio a few years ago?  One of her biggest hits (& Madre’s favorite song!) warned us: “Girls, you know you better WATCH OUT.  Some guys, some guys are only A-BOUT that thing, that thing, thaattt thi-i-inggg”.  (I so just sang that in my head as I typed it out. Lol) Guess what Ladies, she’s right!!  Now don’t get me wrong, not all guys are all about that.  Actually, most guys AREN’T all about that, but it’s very important to be able to weed out the dogs and make time for the nice guys.  In my recent “single girl hunt” I’ve been going through my options.  The problem with that is, I haven’t stopped to recognize who is looking for a relationship and who is ahem just trying to get into my pants (gasp!!).sm

Here are the warning signs of a guy that’s just looking to “get it in” with a girl that’s “DTF”.

1.       There’s no conversation.  How can a guy be looking for a relationship if he isn’t trying to get to know you?  Sure he’ll send you a cute text one day and ask how you are doing the next day, but this is NOT conversation.  This is him keeping you at arms distance so if a night comes along where he is riding solo, he can give you a call and you’ll come running over.  (Why not?  You can’t say he didn’t try and talk to you.  You can’t say he didn’t ask how you were.  Oh wait.  I know, maybe he just isn’t a phone guy.  Yea, that’s it.  He’s not a phone guy…FYI:  That was all sarcasm.  If you believed that you get a virtual slap!!) My rule of thumb is if you don’t take time to get to know me and converse with me, you’re most likely too busy staring at my chest and thinking about how early we can go back to the house.  Yea, not happening womanizer (Sorry, I had to quote my girl Queen Britney <3).
2.       Same thing, Same time, Every day.  Unless if your potential man has a severe form of OCD, there should be no reason why they set a schedule for you guys to talk, meet, or text.  It’s a little early for me to label Samzies as a guy just looking for ass, but the only time he texts me is during his lunch break at work.  This seems suspicious to me.  Now, I’m not saying this is a SURE sign, but it is a red flag. There is a way to test this theory.  Try texting him at a different time and see his reaction.  Better yet, try CALLING him at a random time and see if he picks up and what kind of convo you have.  Usually guys who form a “communication schedule” are doing this because their day is filled with numerous girls.  I want to be an all day priority, not a half hour time slot in a packed appointment book.  Don’t be an “I’ll take what I can get girl” because you’ll always end up unhappy in the end, trust me…
3.       Late night meet ups.  There are very few exceptions to this rule.  Unless I am in a committed relationship, I live by this rule.  If a guy first calls you to hang out ANY time after 10pm it is most likely a booty call.  If it is not a booty call, you are a back up date for the girl he really wanted to take out.  While I am all about having fun and doing your thing, I am getting older (23, gasp!!) and I am looking for a serious relationship.  I want a family one day.  Looking for a guy that is relationship material is the only way to get what I am looking for.  Booty calls are NOT wifey material.  So, unless you are on the same page (and by same page I mean that he is Mr. Booty Call and you are Ms. Booty Call) decline this late night get together and suggest that next time he give you a full days notice so you can prepare for your hot date.  If you never hear from him again after that, no worries, he’s just a waste of your time.
4.       The name change.  Ok, everyone messes up.  I’ve slipped up before.  You’ve slipped up before.  You’re boyfriend or girlfriend might have slipped up before.  But can we be honest?  We’ve slipped up calling the person we are with another name because that OTHER person is the one on our mind’s at that moment.  (Don’t lie to yourself…your man called you his ex b/c that’s who he was thinking about at that moment.  Do you not think about your ex ever?  Liar.  I know you do!)  Ok, so we let it slide, ONCE.  If someone is constantly calling you different names, then the man you are with has too many girls on his mind.  If someone is constantly calling you another girl’s name in particular, than he is hooked on someone else.  You are either a rebound to his ex g/f or you are a distraction to get the other girl off his mind.  Either way, you are being used for ONE thing.  Stop answering his calls and move on to someone that is worthy of you.
5.       He’s a bullshit artist.  To master the art of bullshitting means that you are hiding something.  You are a trained liar and you lie for a reason.  (I’ve been bullshitted to about everything: living arrangements, locations, jobs, schooling, personality, values, ethnicity, age, and even what football team they route for.)  Bottom line is this; You are being lied to because that person wants nothing to do with you after you give “it” up.  He doesn’t care if you ever find out that he’s not a doctor or that he’s not related to Lieutenant Dan from Forest Gump (Don’t ask…).  He doesn’t care if you find out that he is a five star bullshitter living a fantasy life because he doesn’t plan on developing any type of relationship with you.  All that he cares about or wants from you is one great night.  Maybe he’ll even pull a “Situation” and call you a cab after..real classy.
6.       His crowd.  If he surrounds himself with potheads, he most likely smokes some Mary Jane.  If he surrounds himself with nerds, he most likely can build his own computer.  If he surrounds himself with gamers, he most likely knows what DIAF stands for.  If he surrounds himself with players, he is most likely a player.  Once again, this isn’t set in stone, but I most definitely will always take a look at who my potential man surrounds himself with.  (Plus, who wants to have to hang out with a crowd they can’t stand?? Bleh, no thank you!!!) So take a quick look if his crowd has a T-Shirt time routine, if they pull robberies in the club, or if they will not even be respectful to a “grenade”.  If that’s who he’s chilling with, that is most likely what he has learned to believe is “ok”.  You want to run far away from that group of people.  Unless, of course, you want the oh so fabulous life of a guidette…

As you can tell, I am NOT fan of the Jersey Shore or the men on the show.  I do think DJPaulyD is smoking hot, but that’s a different story (He re-tweeted me once!! Eep!)  Nice, respectable guy = Friendship = Relationship = a very happy girl that feels respected.  Don’t be a booty call, you’re goods are worth way more than that, I promise!



  1. Sounds like you see through the smoke and mirrors well.

    I think it is important for the "her" to be herself and insist on a invested relationship--then she can look up and see which guy is still standing.

  2. I assure you it's my severe case of ocd..hahaha..what you don't believe me? How rude..haha

  3. #3 is sooooo true! I love this list.

    P. S. I added you to the list of my favorite blogs on my sidebar :0) I LOVE your blog!

  4. You forgot the flat out drooling. That can be a real tip odd since guys that want a relationship usually suffer a dry mouth and twisted tongue until they know the woman well. At least the good ones do.

  5. yeah, it's tough to sift through the bullshit. when i was emotionally damaged and sleeping around and not interested in relationships, i wasn't even self aware enough to realize it myself, so my energy was actually pretty true.
    like draws like, though, i think. if your head isn't in the clouds, you can see the other quite clearly. you are right about picking up on some telltale signs.

  6. Boy, this brings back memories. Lol too funny. Sounds like you have a good grasp of the opposite sex. I gave up dating a long time ago. I'm much happier alone. Lol

  7. SOOOO true! It really is all laid out for you if you look for it. And yes, the Jersey boys are funny (so awesome that he retweeted you, I would be so excited!!), but you're right- you shouldn't subject yourself to being one of those girls... it's very self-deprecating. I love your pointers here.


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