Friday, September 9, 2011

How to ruin a relationship!

I spoke to LLS the other day.  He periodically calls to remind me that I am “the one” barf and that he’s going to change for the better.  How is he going to change?  Well, he’s been drinking Muscle Milk of course!!  No, that was a serious statement, don’t laugh!  He doesn’t seem to understand that the reason why we broke up had NOTHING to do with physical attraction or chemistry.  Trust me, the chemistry (…and maybe his woo hoo) is probably what kept me around for so long.

Either way, I know what I want and how to get it.  I know why LLS and I broke up.  I know why I enjoy being single.  I also know my options and recognize that they are great distractions, entertainment, and lead to greater opportunities.  Well, that’s the easy part.  Now for the hard part:  I can’t sit down and blame LLS’s psychotic behavior for e v e r y t h I n g… (just most things) It’s time to put on my big girl panties and recognize MY faults:

1.       Don’t get your flirt on.  Ok, so I know that sounds kind of obvious, but I did not do it on purpose.  I swear!!  As LLS would say, I’m a “social butterfly”.  I can talk for hours and I mean hourrssss…  I can also talk about anything and everything.  I HATE awkward silence and I hate not knowing everyone in the room.  That being said, I can go up to a random guy and have an innocent conversation with them and next thing I know, BAM! They ask for my number.  I don’t know how to flirt.  That’s the problem.  Since I don’t know how to flirt, I end up doing it without recognizing it.  While LLS had his own jealousy and control issues, it was a little inappropriate for me to go up to random guys and get my flirt on…unintentionally
2.       Keep things private.  I have a permanent case of diarrhea of the mouth.  I’m not talking the kind when I talk behind people’s back or when I spill every little confidential thing someone told me.  I’m actually very trustworthy and a lot of people confide in me.  Anything anyone tells me goes directly in the vault.  The indigestion begins when something juicy and entertaining happens in MY life.  It starts as a little tummy ache so I go and tell a few friends.  Next thing you know, I’m having full on stomach contractions and the story is just pouring out of my mouth to anyone that will listen.  I live to make people laugh.  Problem is, that’s not good to do in a relationship.  I need to learn to separate a juicy, entertaining story and private relationship stuff.  I, LMF, solemnly swear to keep all relationship matters b/w me, my significant other, and my anonymous blog in ANY future relationship.  That shouldn’t be TOO hard, my life is interesting enough without the relationship problems.  :P
3.       Set your ground rules and don’t budge.  This is usually one of my strong points.  (I’m a Leo ßVERY stubborn.)  Once I set a ground rule, I almost always stick by it.  There are no ifs, ands, or buts.  Problem is, LLS was a great manipulator.  He took things that I set in stone years ago and scratched them out until I didn’t recognize them anymore.  He would say things in a way that would make me take a step back and think to myself that I’M the weird one.  When I realized this and would try to put a stop to it, he would CRY.  I’m not talking a little sniffle.  I’m talking a full on WAILING.  That would make me feel so guilty that I would give in.  No, never again!  I realize now that woman are not the masters of manipulation.  In the future, I’m laying out the fundamentals to my relationship and I’m guarding them with my life.  No man will EVER manipulate me again.  I’m way to head strong for that.  Rahhhh ß That’s me, a Leo, roaring.
4.       Let your guard down.  This one was extremely hard for me.  I’ve been burned in the past and it is hard not to punish a new boyfriend for all the stuff your old one did.  This is just a wrong thing to do, so you got to watch yourself.  Instead of turning into a jealous psycho-freak, I refused to ask any questions.  Why?  Because I didn’t want to get lied to.  Most guys would say Score!!, but LLS hated that.  He WANTED me to ask questions to show that I care…  Even though LLS and I spent every minute together since November, it took me until February to say that we were “together, but not”.  It took me until MARCH to give in to being his girlfriend.  I’m not talking March 1st here either.  I’m talking March 28th. Pathetic on my part =\  I refused to let him sleep over.  I didn’t want him around my family.  I didn’t want to be around his family.  I didn’t want to talk to him everyday.  I just didn’t want to get attached to him to a point where he could actually hurt me.  Then came that horrible word, the L word.  Yes, for months and months I referred to it just like that, “the L word”.  He tried to say it for a week and I would always change the subject and stop him.  I put the L word on this horrible pedestal.  I made it into this evil thing that does nothing but RUIN a relationship.  I could go on and on about my guard, but point is:  I didn’t have a little brick wall in front of me.  I built a whole 50 feet perimeter stone, Great Wall of China replica around my entire body.  Then just to be safe, I hired ninjas, Vikings, and Iron man to guard the gates.  Horrible.

ahhhhh…I just let out a huge sigh of relief.  That was kind of therapeutic!! LOL  J  Seriously though, I need to work on these things and better myself as a person.  This relationship was a learning experience for me as well.  Before I can act on any new opportunity, I need to recognize these problems and better myself.  Who knows, maybe it’s all that I need to win over The Holy Grail…swoon

-LMF

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