As my darling daughter so graciously pointed out to me several times, I constantly exclaim "but, WHY?!" in complete bewilderment. There are things that children do that leave me questioning the purpose of life. This can only mean one of two things.
1. I lack the mental ability to understand the simplest of things.
2. I'm officially really, really, REALLY old.
It's a rhetorical question. Don't answer it.
To prove my point, I'm going to give you ten real life examples that caused me to yell out "but, WHY?!". Bonus points to whoever can make sense of these in the comments. #momlife
Ten things that kids do that I just can't understand.
1. Watching endless loops of videos of people opening toys.
I have seen way too many children lose hours of their lives watching these ridiculous videos! My kids, my kid's friends, and my baby cousins have all fell victim to these videos. Random arms and hands appear on the screen. These hands then spend about 5 minutes meticulously opening boxes with toys with horrible elevator music playing in the background. These videos have me asking "but, WHY?!".
2. Playing, making, and OBSESSING over slime.
As a kid, the only slime I knew about was the green slime that would pour over celebrities heads on Nickelodeon. I know, you're leaning towards #2 now. I never had a desire to make it, play with it, or touch it. Modern day kids obsess over slime. They buy kits to make slime. They buy accessories to put in their slime. They even sit still for HOURS at a time just touching the slime. It has me asking "but, WHY?!".
3. Putting a poop emoji on the same level as unicorns and dinosaurs.
We all saw the rise in popularity that poop was having recently. My daughter has clothes, stamps, toys, Play Doh sets, and a million other things with the poop emoji all over it. One day, we were at an art party and my daughter had the option of picking ANY canvas she wanted. Out of the dozens of options, she picked a giant poop to craft and then gifted it to her grandmother! It made me and grandma yell out "but, WHY?!".
4. Charging at walls with a vacuum cleaner extension.
The running joke used to be that a kid can be entertained for hours with a box. That was past. Present day is that kids can be entertained for hours with a vacuum cleaner extension. It has come to the point that I have to hide the extension. If I don't hide it quick enough, you'll see my two year old son run full speed into a wall with the vacuum extension pointed outwards while screaming "CHARGE!!". As he's screaming at the wall, I'm screaming at him "but, WHY?!".
5. Being a news reporter while reporting every little thing we do.
I grew up knowing that "snitches get stiches" and that everything is "none of their business". I would never, ever go out of my way to repeat something that happened in my house because, why would I? Besides, nothing juicy ever really happened. Well, my kids report out everything! They call their grandparents constantly to report on our every move. They even report out when I use the restroom! It's got me wondering "but, WHY?!".
6. Collecting and playing with squishees like they do anything.
Another trend that I don't understand is squishees. For those of you that may not know, a squishee is a little toy that squishes. Higher technology squishees are those that are slow rising or unsquish slowly and are scented. That's as complex and exciting as they get. Thinking once you squished a squishee you squished them all, makes me wonder why kids want hundreds of them. It's got me asking "but, WHY?!".
7. Refusing to wear socks right side out.
Both of my kids insist that the seam at the end of the socks hurts them. We've tried every brand of sock that you can think of. We've tried socks a few sizes larger than they need. The only thing that works is that they wear their socks inside out. Not in the mood to argue such a silly point every day, I just ask them "but, WHY?!".
8. Begging to rub my armpits to fall asleep at night.
My very, VERY strange daughter likes the feeling of stubble running across her finger nails. Because of this, she begs me to let her rub my armpits until she goes to sleep. She's been doing this since she was born despite the fact that I push my arms down tight and slap her hand away. She just looks at me and laughs while I yell out "but, WHY?! sicko".
9. Answering the phone by yelling into the speaker "HELLO, MARGE!".
No one knows who Marge is or why my kids answer the phone this way. Our family knows better at this point so we all just laugh, but the strangers who are greeted in this random way are caught off guard. It has me asking the kids "but, WHY?!".
10. Eating food from the dog bowl.
My kids eat all day long. When they're hungry, they get yogurts, crackers, fruit, or whatever else I have on hand that can be prepared quickly. That being said, my son still INSISTS on eating dog food. There are times that I catch him hiding from me with dog food in his mouth and a few more pieces in his hands. Every time he just looks at me and laughs. Then he insists that it tastes good. I scowl and yell out "but, WHY?!".
What weird thing have you seen kids do?
