Guest Post: What mummy didn't tell me!

Happy Friday Everyone!!

I have a special treat for you all today.

June from Miraculous Ladies has accepted my invitation to write a guest post on my page.

Have you seen June's website?  It's as amazing as she is with loads of information and inspiration.

She put together a fantastic list about a great topic.

...and you all know how I love my lists!

I hope you all enjoy this article as much as I did!

*****************************************************************

10 Things Mummy Didn’t Tell Me About Life

When I was growing up, my mum didn’t talk to me much about life and its little surprises. I learned a lot by trial and error. Most West Indian mothers don’t sit their daughters down and dish out the facts-of-life! I guess it’s because they didn’t get any advice from their mums. Therefore, a lot of us are left to fumble around in the dark, and figure out things for ourselves.These are the things my mummy didn’t tell me:

• That I should study hard at school so that I could pass my exams: I went to school in Jamaica for many years and continued when I came to the UK. I had too much freedom as a new teenager on the British scene. My mum didn’t tell me off for not doing my homework. I didn’t get in trouble for bunking off school nor did my mum talk to me about my exams. Mum didn’t encourage me to revise either. The result? I got bad grades. It wasn’t all her fault but her advice would have helped a great deal.

• That  friends can hurt me: When I was young, friends were the most important things in my life. I couldn’t possibly live without them. I did everything to keep them. Mum loved my friends. She always invited them over for tea or sleep-overs. But she forgot to tell me that they could hurt me, deceive me, lie to me, stab me in the back and walk all over me. She didn’t warn me that friends were not all peaches and cream. Some of them were like prickles and thorns.

• Not to accept lifts from strangers: I was born in Jamaica and grew up in the country in a small friendly community. I trusted everyone around me. When I came to the UK I was quite immature and trusting. Mum didn’t warn me not to trust men I didn’t know. On my way home from work one evening a man offered me a lift home. I trusted this total stranger and got into his car. Big mistake! He drove for a while then stopped the car. He unzipped his trousers and asked me to do something disgusting, which I guess you can imagine. I ran out of that car so fast, my feet didn’t touch the ground. I was lucky!

• That she would really lock me out if I came home after 10pm: When I was 16 my friends and I used to go clubbing. Mum told me to be home by 10pm the latest. If the club was good, we just wanted to carry on having fun. Sometimes we forgot to check our watches. One night I got home at 10.30. I tried to open the door but it was bolted from the inside. I knocked the door. No answer. Mum locked me out. I had to sleep on the doorstep. That was a scary experience. So, I always made sure I was home on time after that.

• That boys could break my heart: Mum didn’t talk to me about the opposite sex at all. When I met my first boyfriend, I brought him home and introduced him to mum and dad. They liked him and gave me their approval to date him. But she didn’t advise me about relationships or tell me about the signs to look out for from a cheating boyfriend. I was left to discover the ugly part of relationships by myself. I got hurt many times but learned to cope with it by developing self-resilience.

• Mum didn’t talk to me about sex: I was an extremely naïve teenager and was fascinated about sex. Like most teenager are! I wanted to know about it but couldn’t ask mummy. She was too embarrassed to tell me about the birds and bees! It was a taboo subject to her and not up for discussion. And she certainly didn’t expect me to experiment by doing it.

• That if I got pregnant she would disown me: As I said earlier, mum didn’t talk to me about sex. As a teenager I was emotionally weak and easily influenced. My first boyfriend persuaded me that having sex was the right thing to do. He used that old line, ‘If you really love me, let’s do it.’  Well, not surprisingly, I got pregnant. My mum was furious. She disowned me and threatened to send me back to Jamaica. She was ashamed of me because I brought shame on the family. Maybe if she had discussed sex with me, I wouldn’t have been so quick to try it!

• That learning to cook was important because one day I will move out: My mum was a fantastic cook, but she never shared her kitchen. Somehow she didn’t think it was important to teach me the skill that all young girls should master. I was allowed to watch but not cook. So when I left home I was a rubbish cook. My boyfriend was a better cook than me. It took me years to learn how to cook properly.

• That living on my own would be so hard: When I left home I had a six month old baby. My parents had separated. Mum went back to Jamaica and my dad went to live in Birmingham. I moved in with my boyfriend. Life was tough. He wasn’t the best partner and I didn’t have my mum to lean on. Money was tight, I couldn’t cook, and we lived in a bed-sit and had to share a bathroom with four other people. I hated it but had nowhere else to go.

• That life without a mother would be so painful and difficult: When my mum went back to Jamaica it was very painful for me. We were only just getting to know each other and she left me again. Every girl needs her mum around. She’s supposed to be the role model, the fountain of guidance, the shoulder to cry on, someone to sit and have a cup of tea and chat with and the one to run home to when your boyfriend is being a jerk. It was lonely without my mum. Telephone calls and letters didn’t do it for me. I missed her presence. I don’t think she realised the impact her absence had on my life.

I love my mum to bits but unfortunately she was absent for most of my life. I feel like I missed out big time on the mother-daughter relationship.Now that I’ve got my own daughters, I suppose I’m trying to compensate for what I didn’t have.I’m always in their faces. I call them a thousand times a day. They’re my friends as well as my daughters.I don’t want them to ever feel neglected.

What type of relationship did you have with your mummy? Was she always there for you?